Accepting One Another

At the heart of personality is the need to feel
a sense of being loveable without the need
to qualify for that acceptance.
Dr Paul Tournier

Accept one another, just as Christ also
accepted us, to the glory of God.
St. Paul

How did Christ accept you? Before your little flawed self showed-up in history, God demonstrated his love by sending Christ to give his life for you, thereby accepting you As Is. (That doesn’t mean he approves of everything, mind you.) He sees every flaw, every weakness, every failure (past/present/future), every eccentricity and weirdness … and accepts and loves you. He has never been surprised by anything you have ever done, good or bad. He has never said to himself, “Wow, if I knew he was going to do that, I wouldn’t have died for him.” “O my, (scratching his beard) I didn’t know she was capable of doing such things! Who knew?”

Most Christians know this intellectually, but do not experience this acceptance as to how Christ is presently relating to them. We can recite biblical passages regarding how it’s all about grace through faith, not works, and we constantly seek to encourage others with such Truth, but we don’t actually get it. No, for us the expectation is High Performance all the way and, if we don’t hit-the-mark? Well, given our very human flaws, weaknesses and such, we are constantly confronted with Failure to Meet Expectations, which translates, No Longer Accepted. And what then do we do? We screw our determination to the sticking place, believing that this time we will not fail. Alas, sooner or later, we miss the mark yet again.

%^*&#* (Expletive deleted)

So, how will our life-experience change, if we truly embrace Christ’s unalterable acceptance?

How would your way of being change—the way in which you are going through this life—if you were convinced that Christ’s love for you was constant and inexorable: that there was nothing you could ever do to cause him to love you more or less than what he demonstrated on the cross?

If, after the manner of Christ, I accept myself for whom and where I presently am in my life’s journey, how will this serve my quest to more fully realize his purpose for my life?

What will be different about how we go about seeking to demonstrate our love for Christ in our attitudes, words and activities, if they each spring from hearts that are secure in his love and acceptance?

I wonder how many followers of Christ live with a deep angst (anxiety and dread) that is created by the discrepancies between our expectations for self, and our actual performances? Now, if some counselor, minister or friend suggests such a thing, suggests that we are suffering from Performance Anxiety because we do not accept who and where we actually are in our journey, we will reject the notion out-of-hand. Why? Could it be some form of latent pride keeping us from rejecting the false-ideal of self that we are creating, rather than accepting our humanity with all of its flaws, weaknesses, failures, eccentricities and weirdness?

And what about our relationships?

What if we actually brought a greater degree of acceptance into how we are relating to people? How then will people experience us? What relational possibilities will open up at home, with our friends, with those with whom we work, with our neighbors? In other words, if we ditch the expectation that others must always hit-the-mark so as to earn our acceptance, and, instead, accept them as Christ does us—As Is—what will the differences be in how we are relating? (By the way, ever think about how Christ views our non-acceptance of those whom he accepts?)

Do you think that people will be more open about their struggles and failures, hopes and dreams, if they actually get that we are accepting them?

Is it possible that there will be far more humility and far less self-righteousness in how we show up for each other? Might there be more good humor and less rancor, more camaraderie and less hostility?

With whom are you most likely to have difficult-conversations: someone whom you see, hear and feel is accepting you, or someone whom you see, hear and feel is looking down on you and condemning you?

One of the greatest joys in life is the experience of being accepted by someone who sees us as we are, in all of our “glory and rubbish.” (Pascal) In fact, without this visibility and acceptance, there is no real friendship, and no authentic fellowship. The good news is that we can experience this joy as we embrace the reality of God’s acceptance of us in and through Christ. Not only that, we can also spread this joy as we go and do likewise, accepting one another as he is accepting us: As Is.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008