The Temple of Zeus

These aren't the greatest shots: I only had about
fifteen minutes free (have been in meetings for
two days) so ran down the block to snap these.

This is Hadrian's Arch, constructed in 131 AD.
It was part of a wall separating the
old and new cities of Athens. On the side of
the arch facing the Acropolis
the inscription read,

"This is Athens, the former city of Theseus."

On the other side is inscribed,
"This is the city of Hadrian, and not of Theseus."

The Temple of Zeus
Construction began in the 6th century BC
but it was Emperor Hadrian who completed
the project in 129 AD.

I heard one guide tell her group that Hadrian
had a huge statue of Zeus (a.k.a. Jupiter),
King of the gods, made out of ivory and gold …
and then another one, equally as large,
made of himself.

Tells you a lot about Hadrian’s self image, eh?

My guess is that these columns are
between fifty and sixty feet high

A few photos I took while walking to a lunch here
in Plaka, the oldest area of Athens,
where the Temple of Zeus and the
Acropolis are located

Today (Monday) is filled with meetings,
but tomorrow we are all going to tour
the Acropolis. So, hopefully, I will have
plenty of photos to post Tuesday night
or Wednesday morning!

Paul Newman R.I.P

January 26, 1925-September 26, 2008

Artist, Hollywood icon, race car driver, philanthropist ... the bluest eyes God ever gave a man.

As a political liberal, one of the things that set him apart from many in Hollywood who agreed with his politics was that, while he supported and advocated what he believed in, he never castigated and derided those with whom he differed. He was always a gentleman. Always.

One of the last things he did in this life was to turn his fortune over to charity--$120 million.

He was an amazing gift to his family and friends, to all who saw him in movies and theater, and to all the causes he supported so passionately. May God Remember it for His Good.

Greece is the Word

We've come to Firostefani, on the Greek Isle
of Santorini, for some work, some fun,
and to celebrate Colonel Doner's Birthday

My hotel

Stepping out from the door to my
room, and looking left

Looking straight down from my room

The Black Beach

We've decided to take a boat trip
around the entire island

Sandy and Derek Hammond

The way they have combined architecture
with the landscape here is breathtaking

One of the windmills which are a
common sight in Santorini

The Red Beach

The White Beach

Joseph and Nancy Spiccia,
taking it all in

Brainstorming: Joseph, Colonel, Wally and Davide

Time to pack and get ready to depart for Athens!

Accepting One Another

At the heart of personality is the need to feel
a sense of being loveable without the need
to qualify for that acceptance.
Dr Paul Tournier

Accept one another, just as Christ also
accepted us, to the glory of God.
St. Paul

How did Christ accept you? Before your little flawed self showed-up in history, God demonstrated his love by sending Christ to give his life for you, thereby accepting you As Is. (That doesn’t mean he approves of everything, mind you.) He sees every flaw, every weakness, every failure (past/present/future), every eccentricity and weirdness … and accepts and loves you. He has never been surprised by anything you have ever done, good or bad. He has never said to himself, “Wow, if I knew he was going to do that, I wouldn’t have died for him.” “O my, (scratching his beard) I didn’t know she was capable of doing such things! Who knew?”

Most Christians know this intellectually, but do not experience this acceptance as to how Christ is presently relating to them. We can recite biblical passages regarding how it’s all about grace through faith, not works, and we constantly seek to encourage others with such Truth, but we don’t actually get it. No, for us the expectation is High Performance all the way and, if we don’t hit-the-mark? Well, given our very human flaws, weaknesses and such, we are constantly confronted with Failure to Meet Expectations, which translates, No Longer Accepted. And what then do we do? We screw our determination to the sticking place, believing that this time we will not fail. Alas, sooner or later, we miss the mark yet again.

%^*&#* (Expletive deleted)

So, how will our life-experience change, if we truly embrace Christ’s unalterable acceptance?

How would your way of being change—the way in which you are going through this life—if you were convinced that Christ’s love for you was constant and inexorable: that there was nothing you could ever do to cause him to love you more or less than what he demonstrated on the cross?

If, after the manner of Christ, I accept myself for whom and where I presently am in my life’s journey, how will this serve my quest to more fully realize his purpose for my life?

What will be different about how we go about seeking to demonstrate our love for Christ in our attitudes, words and activities, if they each spring from hearts that are secure in his love and acceptance?

I wonder how many followers of Christ live with a deep angst (anxiety and dread) that is created by the discrepancies between our expectations for self, and our actual performances? Now, if some counselor, minister or friend suggests such a thing, suggests that we are suffering from Performance Anxiety because we do not accept who and where we actually are in our journey, we will reject the notion out-of-hand. Why? Could it be some form of latent pride keeping us from rejecting the false-ideal of self that we are creating, rather than accepting our humanity with all of its flaws, weaknesses, failures, eccentricities and weirdness?

And what about our relationships?

What if we actually brought a greater degree of acceptance into how we are relating to people? How then will people experience us? What relational possibilities will open up at home, with our friends, with those with whom we work, with our neighbors? In other words, if we ditch the expectation that others must always hit-the-mark so as to earn our acceptance, and, instead, accept them as Christ does us—As Is—what will the differences be in how we are relating? (By the way, ever think about how Christ views our non-acceptance of those whom he accepts?)

Do you think that people will be more open about their struggles and failures, hopes and dreams, if they actually get that we are accepting them?

Is it possible that there will be far more humility and far less self-righteousness in how we show up for each other? Might there be more good humor and less rancor, more camaraderie and less hostility?

With whom are you most likely to have difficult-conversations: someone whom you see, hear and feel is accepting you, or someone whom you see, hear and feel is looking down on you and condemning you?

One of the greatest joys in life is the experience of being accepted by someone who sees us as we are, in all of our “glory and rubbish.” (Pascal) In fact, without this visibility and acceptance, there is no real friendship, and no authentic fellowship. The good news is that we can experience this joy as we embrace the reality of God’s acceptance of us in and through Christ. Not only that, we can also spread this joy as we go and do likewise, accepting one another as he is accepting us: As Is.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008

Anger Rules

“Sign Sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign”
Five Man Electrical Band, 1970

Thinking about anger and my last posting…some random thoughts

Why do we choose to be angry? I believe most of the time it has something to do with our rules: break one of our rules, and we are going to be ticked-off, correct? The question is, Is this an Universal Rule that most sane people all agree is valid: e.g., don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t murder, don’t root for the University of Notre Dame, etc., where I can safely assume all the people in my world know about ... or not? And if not, if I cannot assume everyone knows to do this/don't do that, then ... what?

Then there are agreed upon behavioral rules: rules a man and a woman agree to live by when they marry, rules you agreed to when you went to work, joined that church, choose this school, etc. You freely enter into an agreement regarding these rules within a specific context.

And then there are my unwritten and unspoken rules, many of which are so much a part of my Way of Being that they are unconscious presuppositions. “Yelling is wrong.” “You must always be on time.” “If you love me, you will always do what I ask.” These are where we experience many of our most intense emotional upsets! But how so: if the rules were unwritten and unspoken, exactly how just is my anger?

Did I explain my beliefs and rules to you?

Was I even aware of having such rules, until my upset? (Side bar: great thing about your anger is that it is letting you know about one of your rules.)

Did you agree to abide by these rules? Again, if not, how is it just when I choose to be angry with you?

Early on in my sessions with Dr Z, I twice exploded with some very intense anger. The first time was when he told me I was no longer allowed to speak about a specific topic. One of his rules was that if he pointed out some wild game that he believed was going to eat my lunch and I choose not to heed his advice, seeing that issue as a threat which must be dealt with … no problem: the topic, however, was thereafter off-limits. Period. Unless I came back and said I would pull the trigger or could convince him he was wrong, no more talking about that lion over there. Having agreed to his rules, he very calmly reminded me that my anger was a) not a counter argument; and b) if I wanted to be angry I should be angry with myself for having agreed to the rule! Ouch.

Do you know what fascinates me here? The fact that we so rarely blow gaskets with our best friends. Why is this? It’s just something I have been thinking about but, so far, what I think is this:

I love my friend. We enjoy each other immensely. He/she is important to my happiness in life. The frame within which we relate is pretty much, Live and Let Live. There are no “control” issues and, therefore, there are very few rules, if any.

Now, think about the context of family or religious community or the classroom: husband, wife, and children, minister and fellow believers, teachers and students. YOWZA do we have rules! And what are the rules based on? All too often they are based on Control and the idea of Ownership. I have a right to make you do what I want you to do and there is nothing you can do about it but submit. I “own” you. And if you don’t submit, I will make you pay (threats, yelling, passive-aggressive behavior, etc) until you do so. If you agreed to those rules, you only have three options: behave as agreed upon, renegotiate the rules, or extricate yourself from the relationship.

Of course we don’t state it in such stark and unattractive terms but that’s the truth of it. I have a fundamental rule that says you must make me happy. So as to accomplish this, I have a set of rules that I expect you to obey. You also have rules. They also have rules. To our way of thinking, if everyone will keep our rules, behave as we demand, we will be happy …O, and so will those of you who are wisely keeping our rules! The problem is with those pesky people who don’t keep our rules.

I think a large percentage of us are unhappy because we constantly choose to do what he/she/it tells us to do: not because we WANT to, but because we believe we HAVE to. It’s the unspoken law of relationships learned at home. I have to do what I am told. I have to keep his rules, her rules, their rules, everyone's rules. If I don’t, I will pay with some form of being sent to my room: I won’t get the promotion, I will be treated as a pariah, I will get the silent treatment, they will rain on my parade, she will explode all over me—you know the drill. Punish, punish, punish, control, control, control, until the culprit submits.

But do you really HAVE to? You are now an adult living in a free country. Why not start giving your wants, values and dreams at least as much weight as you do everyone else’s? You. Have. A. Choice.

Rather than thinking in terms or rules/ control/ ownership, why not think in terms of how I can be happy, doing what I want regarding my beliefs, values, desires, and dreams, while doing what I can to contribute toward your happiness? Why not share relevant information with one another as to our beliefs, values, desires and dreams, and then negotiate as to how we will share our lives together? Why not toss the whole idea of ownership and control and behave toward one another as best friends do?

The second eruption of Mount Monte with Dr Z: We were talking about rules, again. Go figure. It was a quiet conversation about the expectations of others, which, in the past, I defined as “Rules for Monte.” The conversation was flowing along until he asked me about my expectations for myself: “Monte’s rules for Monte … the unspoken presuppositions you have for yourself, your life.” As he questions me, these rules begin to surface: Monte’s have to’s. My rules, of course, are logical, noble and most definitely from God’s mouth to my ears. Dr Z points out that my rules/expectations for myself, to his way of thinking, are humanly impossible.

What do I do? I choose to erupt in anger, of course!

What does Dr Z do? He calmly sits there, taking in all the information I am giving him about myself, and then chooses his response.

With a bemused smile, “I think it’s time for you to renegotiate with yourself, considering that your expectations and rules for Monte are closing down immense possibilities for happiness.”

So, what about your rules for her, him, them, yourself? Does everyone know about these rules? Has everyone agreed to these rules? Should these rules be updated and renegotiated? Are these rules based on the premise of ownership and control or love?

Just some thoughts to consider.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008

Rondine Al Nido

Responsibility

Able-to-respond

He/she/they/it made me feel sad, angry, guilty, happy, hopeful, at peace.

Actually, I chose to feel this way. If I had no say-so in the matter, then I carry no responsibility, eh? I was simply a victim of my emotions. Riiiiight. No, based on my beliefs, thought-processes and even behavioral preferences, I made a choice to feel as I do. It may have been decided in a millisecond but I did decide. It may be an indirect choice that came as a result of my beliefs, but that too is a choice. The only question is this—was it a wise or a not so wise choice, a healthy or not so healthy choice? And believe me, sometimes sadness, anger or guilt can be the appropriate choice, as is the one where we choose to not remain in any of these three states longer than is necessary.

What if my emotional responses are a neurological storm over which I have no “initial” control? Okay. Even if … I still possess the capability of choosing to respond differently.

The more we can wrap our heads around this reality, the more responsibility we take for our emotional states and subsequent choices of behavior, the more freedom we will have to make other more appropriate choices. And, to my way of thinking anyway, having choices is a Good Thing.

“You made me angry.”
No, you chose to be angry. All I did was give you some information. Maybe my intent was to smack you with a guilt trip or whatever, but, as far you are concerned, it’s all just information. It is your choice what do with it, how to respond to me.

Question: Is the anger and the degree of intensity with which I feel it, appropriate to the circumstances? Is what I am angry with even any of my business? Do I have enough information, so as to have an informed response? If I am a follower of Christ, how might He evaluate my anger … or, for that matter, sadness, guilt, happiness, pleasure or any other responses?

“Well, I’m sorry. I’m just a passionate person who gets angry easily.”

You mean like getting the measles? It just pops up? Okay. Got it. Yet do you wish to embrace an anger that is inappropriate and most definitely won’t get you the happiness you say you do want? Why not say, “Up until now I was choosing to be angry (or sad, or feeling guilty, or or or) and am behaving accordingly. I acknowledge that it is an unwise and unhealthy choice, and I am dealing with it, choosing other more appropriate responses.”

1 I don’t get my way.

2 I choose to be angry (or sad, feel guilty, frustrated, or etc) and yell.

3 The other person then does … what? Backs up, chooses to be angry, resists my assertions. All chance for peace and happiness has been sucked out of the relationship for the time being. And what do I do then?

4 Increasing the intensity of my anger, I yell louder, which is going to get me what? More of No’s 1, 2 and 3!

Yeah. That’s the ticket. Wise choice. Anger really worked, didn’t it? Now everybody is happy!

By the way, one of the ways we can begin to change our unwanted emotional responses is to stop saying things like, I am angry, I am depressed, I am guilty, and begin saying, “I am angering myself,” “I am depressing myself,” or “I am guilt-ing myself.” Stop with the adjectives and nouns and use verbs. In doing this, we will immediately begin thinking in terms of choices available to us, rather than seeing ourselves as victims of someone or something. You may not experience an instant change in your unwanted psychological state (if you are experiencing deep anger or sadness or guilt, etc., it probably will take some time), but you will discover different behaviors and thought processes that are available to you, which, in turn, will lead, however gradually, to more healthy emotional responses.

If this is a bit radical to your way of thinking, I suggest that you simply try on this different way of approaching your emotional states for a week or two, and see what happens. It can’t hurt, and, who knows, it may even help open up other possibilities for you.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008