The Source of Self-Acceptance

I gave up on self-acceptance, years ago. Yup, forget that impossible dream. Today, it is more a case of seeking to loathe myself less than I did yesterday. Okay. I jest. But there are days …

Anyone with even a remote degree of self-awareness struggles, from time to time, with self-acceptance. After all, you know your weaknesses, foibles, issues, and failures better than anyone else. How in the world are you suppose to accept yourself knowing what you know, eh? And if you are exposed to the constant Chinese water torture of advertisers telling you that your skin, teethe, body-type, hair, cuticles, weight and innards are all screwed up and, Lucky For You, you can be healed for 3 monthly payments of only 29.99, it’s a wonder more people haven’t opted for checking out how things are in the afterlife.

So, how do I go about affirming my Self, accepting my Self? Do I need to recite, mantra-like, “You are wonderful … you are a creation of God … you are fearfully and wonderfully made”? Well, that may help a tad but, for many of us, all that happens in this case is we hear another voice saying, “Liar … you are a piece of excrement and everyone knows it.” Actually, I think this is where so many people take off on a Long and Winding Road that leads to nowhere. I wonder if you can only accept your Self after another has first accepted you?

Pope Benedict XVI puts it this way:

The life a mother gives to her child is not just physical life; she gives total life when she takes the child’s tears and turns them into smiles. It is only when life has been accepted and is perceived as accepted that it becomes also acceptable. Man is that strange creature that needs not just physical birth but also appreciation if he is to subsist … If an individual is to accept himself, someone must say to him: “It is good that you exist” – must say it, not with words, but with that act of the entire being that we call love. Benedictus: Day by Day with Pope Benedict XVI

The love of another—most importantly one’s parents—but, also, of friends and significant others goes along ways toward helping us accept ourselves. What an amazing gift it is for an individual to see you in all of your glory and garbage and (still) say, “It is good that you exist. I affirm you, I appreciate you … I love you with my entire being.” Does anything touch us, move us, inspire us, or humble us as deeply as this does?

Think of those people who have never experienced such love. The black hole that resides in their soul, because of the lack of affirming love, keeps them from loving others as they could, keeps them from trusting others, restricts their ability to be vulnerable to others. When we encounter people who are hard hearted, calculating and manipulative what we need to do is see beyond the exterior into the soul that needs to be touched by affirming love. Sure, deal wisely with their behavior, but through it all, wherever possible, extend the power of love.

And what of those who have had such love and then lost it? What if the parent chooses to no longer say, “It is good that you exist. I affirm you, I appreciate you … I love you with my entire being”? What if the friend or significant other who saw you and loved you turns and walks away? As great as the gift was, the wounds caused by the loss can be psychologically crippling. Which leads me to this ...

What we are celebrating during the Christmas season is God’s affirming love Incarnated in his son, Jesus. This is the only sure foundation for self-acceptance. This is the Love we want to allow into our souls. This is the Love that leaves us saying to ourselves, “If God is for me, who can be against me? Whatever wounds I experience in this life, whatever rejections, whatever pains I suffer, none of it can overwhelm or conquer the infinite and inexorable Love of God.” Talk about instant Self-Acceptance!

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2009