Legendary Leaders: The Holy Grail

Nay, lord, I heard the sound, I saw the light,
But since I did not see the Holy Thing, I sware a vow to follow it till I saw.
Tennyson’s, The Holy Grail

[T]he shrine was suddenly filled with a fragrance at once so sweet and fresh that I thought of all the golden summer days I had known, and all the meadows of wildflowers ever ridden through, and every soft moonlight night breeze that ever drifted through my window. To look upon the cup was to sense an unutterable peace, whole and unassailable, the abiding calm of endless, enduring authority, vigilant and present—if unseen—and supreme in its strength.

It came into my mind that to hold the cup would be to possess, in part, this peace. I stepped nearer the altar and put out my hand. The light of the cup flared, and the image faded as my hand closed around it.

Steven Lawhead, Merlin: The Pendragon Cycle
(Volume Two),
Crossway Books, 1988) p. 128f

The quest for the Holy Grail--the mythical cup that Jesus was to have used during his last supper with his twelve disciples. There are many legends in the Arthurian tradition surrounding this chalice. Most of them tell of the Grail’s powers to give light, wisdom and healing to whomever drinks from it.

This Grail is in but not of this world: it represents the power of the Rescuing and Healing God who is both here with us and infinitely beyond us. The Holy Grail’s value is so immeasurable and our needs are so unfathomable that we intuitively know that it is only in discovering the Holy Grail that our souls shall be satisfied and our hearts healed.

Becoming a Legendary Leader encompasses far more than building organizations that are successful, or leaving a substantial estate to our children. In fact, each of us knows that we could experience unimaginable success in our careers but go to our graves miserable failures if we did not achieve what mattered most in life. Moreover, we know that, at the very least, leaving behind a legendary inheritance includes a life’s testimony that inspires the next generation toward those beliefs, values and virtues we most dearly cherish.

What Matters Most
If you could achieve everything you wanted in this life, if you could have all the wealth you have ever dreamed of having, all the material possessions you have ever fantasized about owning, and all of the outward marks of success that our culture values so highly--but never obtain the Holy Grail, would your success be enough for you?

Let us assume for a moment that God offered you the following deal.

The Promise: You can have everything your heart desires, including those things and experiences your conscience tells you are forbidden…that you can have anything and you can do anything you want in this life, and never ever feel guilty for it--not for all eternity.

The Catch: If God does this for you, then you will never ever see, hear or experience God himself—neither his light nor his love--for all eternity.

Would you take the offer?

Most people flinch at the very thought of being without God for all eternity, no matter what the so-called trade-off. Why? Because in their hearts they want to know God, they want to see God, they want to experience his light, life and love for all eternity—and, once they believe it truly possible, will be willing to make any sacrifice required of them on their journey in this world.

Our souls ache to connect with the divine. We know that we were made for God and are aware that there is a void in our lives that can only be filled by him. We know that there is no greater gift or more important relationship then to be united with him. We long for that spiritual peace that can only come from being right with him, and doing right by him.

It is this longing that spurs us on toward the Holy Grail. Even when we are experiencing great success, when we are alone with our thoughts we hope there is more “than this.”

Your Journey
One of the first stories I read of the Holy Grail was where Arthur and his Knights are sitting at the Round Table waiting for their meal. Arthur was concerned that his men were getting a bit soft, losing the sense of purpose and mission that had forged them all together years before. Finally, he announced that they were not going to eat until something magical occurred, something that would reawaken their vision.

After considerable time, the Holy Grail appeared before them, hovering in the air. As it floated around the table the Knights were in absolute awe, stunned by the miraculous apparition. Once the Grail disappeared, it was agreed upon that they would all go on a Quest to find this chalice.

At this point of the story, Sir Percivale said that while the Knights most definitely should go on the Quest, it would be ignoble if they went as a group. Rather, what they each should do is make their own way. And then, as the story is told, it is said that each Knight went to the deepest, darkest part of the forest they could find, where there were no other paths, and there they would enter and begin their Quest.

It was the same Quest (knowing the True God), the same Holy Grail (encountering the God who is Light, Life and Love), the same forest (God’s kingdom)…but different paths. It is the same for each of us. Each of our stories will have many similarities but are, at the same time, quite unique. Your path to the Grail will be your path. You will learn from the journeys of others, but at the end of the day, your Quest will take a unique path.

Legendary Leaders understand that they must grow as individual humans or they will end their journeys having gained the world but lost their souls. Moreover, they know that they cannot achieve the growth they desire without the God of Life infusing and empowering their efforts.

You are not your job description. You are not solely defined by your vocation. If you lost your job tomorrow you would not lose your self: or would you? If you would, then you may wish to consider going on a Quest in search of the Grail.

Becoming Your Name
I once read that each of us has two names: the one that was given us at birth, and the one we earn by who we are and what we do throughout our life. While they bear the name given them at birth, others name Legendary Leaders “Visionary,” “Wise,” “Just,” “Compassionate,” “Courageous,” or “Prophetic.” What is the name your life is earning for you?

There is a beautiful picture of our journey that reads like something written by one of the great writers of Fantasy. In St. John’s book, Revelation, he writes that when we arrive in heaven we will be given a white stone with our name written on it: a name no one knows but God. This is your Quest. You are becoming that name. Your life is a living letter, an evolving story. You are the central character in your story: the hero.

Imagine: As the story begins, your counselor has diagnosed you as being delusional. You constantly speak of needing to go somewhere you have never been, of seeing faraway places in your mind’s eye, of feeling out of place and not fitting in your surroundings. It’s not a physical place you are looking for but a metaphysical place, a spiritual place.

You are constantly being overwhelmed with the feeling that there is another “you” struggling within to reveal his or her self. What makes the story particularly intriguing is that you have amnesia. Hearing that there is a doctor who can help you, you have come to this person for counsel.

During one of your sessions, your counselor mentions this fabulous, unbelievable tale. She doesn’t believe it is true but thinks it might be a helpful metaphor. It appears that there is a King who lives on top of a mountain who knows you and knows your name. The challenge is going to be to get to the top of the mountain.

At the bottom of the mountain is a raging fire. It is a very strange fire. At the beginning of the path the fire is an external fire that is, at times, excruciatingly painful and difficult to get through. However, once you do, the fire is absorbed into your soul where it will then empower you for the rest of your journey. The fire at the bottom of the mountain purges away all that is not the individual you are to become. The fire that flames within gives you the power to take charge of your journey and to do whatever it takes to meet the King on top of the mountain.

Your journey will include finding lost treasures, slaying dragons, encountering other true and noble knights along the way. As you travel this path, you will increasingly become more whole, more fully a human filled with the divine. Your journey ends with God giving you your name: a name that utterly and comprehensively defines, explains and expresses who you have become.

I believe this King eternally exists, and that his name is Jesus Christ. The fire on the mountain and the one that burns within is the Holy Spirit he sent to the earth. However, you must find out for yourself who the True God is: for while the faith of others may inspire us for brief moments, the better part of the journey requires that you see the True God for yourself.

Transformation
In seeking the Holy Grail we are seeking to encounter the divine and to be transformed in the seeking and finding. We want to see the God who is Light and to reflect something of his Light. We want to be healed and made whole by the God who is Love and to share that love with the world around us. We want to be transformed by a living union with the transcendent God.

Maybe you are not a follower of Christ and do not use these exact metaphors, but the sentiment behind them expresses your heart’s deepest desire. Success in your career is not enough, material possessions will not satisfy, and the accolades of the world mean nothing—compared to your need to know and experience God.

The reality of the human condition is that we become what or whom we most seek after: you are what you worship.

• Do you worship fame or the Famous One?
• Do you trust in your own works or the Works of God on your behalf?
• Is your greatest treasure your net worth or your deepening relationship with the God who is of eternal worth?
• Do you bow before a god who is nothing more than cosmic intelligence or the True God who is Love?

Maybe you cannot as yet answer any of these questions. However, if you desire to answer them, if your heart resonates with the awareness that such questions must be answered, it is time to begin your Quest in earnest.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

Mr. Manners

A man's manners are a mirror
in which he shows his portrait.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Manners are of more importance than laws... Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.
--Edmund Burke

Love…does not behave rudely.
--St. Paul

Adam is working away in the Garden of Eden when he sees God.

Adam: Lord, I have been waiting to talk to you when Eve wasn’t around. I’d like to ask you some questions about her, if you don’t mind.
God: Sure thing, Adam. Ask away.
Adam: Lord, why did you make her so beautiful?
God: Well…I wanted you to be attracted to her, my son.
Adam: Er, if you don’t mind…could I ask another question?
God: Go ahead.
Adam: Well…why did you make her so soft?
God: That’s easy. So that you would want her.
Adam: Okay. I know I am pushing the envelope here…but could I ask you one more question?
God: Yes. One more.
Adam: Lord, why did you make her so dumb?

God: O that’s the easiest one of all, Adam. I did that so that she would actually want you.

Upscale restaurant. Man and woman all dressed up. It is obviously a Special Evening. Man answers mobile phone and talks for 5 minutes. He is so engrossed in the conversation he doesn’t see that the woman has rolled her eyes repeatedly and sighed so loudly that I heard her…and I was at least 20 feet away.

Young lady works at getting her luggage in one of the overhead bins of the airplane. The suitcase appears to weigh more than she does. Man looks at her, and goes back to reading his magazine.

Where have our manners gone, men?

If you are familiar with Arthurian legends you will remember that one of the chief codes of conduct for a knight was chivalry. I was rereading Malory’s Morte d’Arthur the other day where I ran across a perfect description of chivalrous behavior. Sir Ector is describing Lancelot, who has just died, as “a man meek in the hall with women and as the sternest of knights in battle.” He was both humble and fierce—and he knew when to be which. Blending and integrating strength and honor, a warrior’s spirit with humility, was the code that governed the knight’s behavior on the battlefield and “in the hall with women.”

Yes, I know that militant feminism (these are those women where you can’t tell whether she is a damsel in distress or a dragon ready to belch fire) has left many of us men a tad anxious when it comes to how to behave around women: especially women whom we do not know that well. Nevertheless, even in these cases, a gracious and respectful offer of help or service will rarely be met with scorn, even if it is not accepted. Besides, since when is doing-right or behaving-appropriately predicated on the response of others?

The challenge today is that so many men are ignorant as to chivalrous behavior. Okay. Most men have not even heard of the word, much less considered the concept. The same goes for their fathers, which is where the problem began. But I believe it is an important component of what it means to be a man…what it means to be a gentleman.

Business dinner. Mr. Manager introduces new-hire: “This little girl is going to be a great addition to our team.” She is 30 years old, MBA grad and already has an astounding reputation as a numbers cruncher. She is demonstrably not a little girl.

Husband speaking to wife: “No honey, you can’t drive down to the beach.” (Patting her on the head) “I just think it’s too dangerous for you.” She is 37 years old. It is a 90- minute drive. This isn’t Africa.

Condescension masked as manners.

When St Paul referred to women as the Weaker Sex, he wasn’t saying women were the dumber sex, less fortunate sex, incompetent sex, or less valuable sex. The fact is, in some contexts, some of these things Could Be Said about the men women must deal with. Treating a grown woman as if she were a child, a daughter or a cute-little-ornament is disrespectful. And at the heart of manners is the element of genuine respect.

I am not going to get into a How To or a What If here. My intention is merely to provoke some thought on the subject of demonstrating respect for women in our behavior, words and attitudes. If you want a witty and comprehensive discourse on manners, go read, Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated.

Come on guys: when you want to relive the Days of the Neanderthal, go camping with your buddies or hang out at a fraternity party. When you are around women, get a grip. Be a gentleman. Act honorably and appropriately. Even if you are uncertain as to what constitutes good manners in a particular context, being respectful, gracious and genuinely solicitous of a person’s wellbeing covers a multitude of social faux pas. As Emily Post said, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

Dealing With Africa's Debt

(This article was written June 14, 2005)

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Give a man a fishing net and he will eat for a lifetime…
but only if he is willing to work.

Probably because of all my work with charities and relief organizations, I have been receiving loads of email letting me know “how thrilled I am that the G-8 is going to begin forgiving the debts of many African nations.” I can only assume these same people would not be so thrilled to discover that I am not all that sure this is a great idea. It’s not that I do not believe nations like Chad, Ethiopia, Zimbabwe and Guinea need help: I simply am not all that certain this is the “help” they need.

Here in the US, Congress has made it increasingly difficult for people to walk away from their debts via bankruptcy. Evidently, when people discover that they can stiff Bank of America and Sears, reneging on their debt with impunity, they are prone to doing just that. So how is it that a murdering thug like Mugabe (Zimbabwe’s present tyrant) will now be able to do what is no longer thought ethical or legal for US citizens?

I know there is not a one-to-one correlation here, but inquiring minds of debt-encumbered US citizens sure would like to know how come we are going to wipe out the debts of nations (debt that was financed via taking money away from citizens to give to these nations) but not do the same for it’s citizens?

“Well, because you citizens should have known better than to live above your means." And Ethiopia is too ignorant to have known better?

"Because it is now simply impossible for these people to even survive under this massive load of debt." And I am doing just peachy?

"Because we do not want to encourage irresponsible debt by American citizens." But we do want to encourage this behavior in Chad?

Chad is on the top five list of Most Corrupt African Governments. (Citizens of Chad: “We’re Number Four!”) Was it unable to pay its debts because of a) famine and pestilence; or b) because of dummying the books to cover up kick backs by government officials? (Hint: it is not “a.”)

Blair and Bush tell the world that the release of debts will be wedded together with requiring good governing practices. So, what many of these nations that will be celebrating Christmas early this year have refused to do for decades (accurate and transparent bookkeeping, sound fiscal policies, etc.) they will now be delighted to do? Does anyone actually believe this?

Will the leaders of G-8 actually have the political will to hold African nations accountable for how they spend the money saved by cancellation of debt and the reception of on-going aid?

President Mugabe has exterminated many of Zimbabwe’s most productive farmers because they happen to be white. Just last week he destroyed the homes of over 100.000 of the nation’s poorest people because he wanted to chase them out of the city where they were living. Seems he is a tad worried they may not be all that happy with what has happened to the nation and may begin taking to the streets to demand new leadership.

Are we really going to come to the aid of a tyrant who single handedly destroyed Zimbabwe’s economy? Can’t we at least tell Zimbabwe’s political leaders, “When your murdering thug of a President is no longer in a position of power, give us a call”? Of course, if Mugabe was white and he was killing black farmers, we would have already convened the Security Council at the UN and Bush and Blair would be talking about possible military action.

Ethiopia’s President is whacking peaceful protesters who believe his most recent reelection was rigged. I have yet to hear the member nations of G-8 say, “Stop suppressing freedom of speech and murdering dissenters or you won’t see one dime.”

Again, G-8 and various agencies say that they are going to tie debt cancellation to the requirement that the recipient nations use the money that would have gone to the monthly payment of debts to the building of schools, hospitals, roads and such things. Maybe I am not as deep a thinker as U2’s Bono, but it seems to me that if I cannot pay my debts because I do not have enough money to do so, and those debts are then cancelled, I will not, thereby, have any extra income to do what I promised to do in order to get you to cancel my debts.

I honestly do think Bono has spent considerable time thinking about what to do with the burden of debt that so many African nations are wrestling with. I also think his heart is in the right place. (Although I still endorse the sentiment expressed in the title of Laura Ingraham’s book, “Shut Up and Sing!”) But altruistic motives don’t always translate into real world wisdom.

About ten years ago, Zambia’s then President Chiluba offered thousands of poor families that had poured into the capital city looking for food, two acres of land in the country and enough corn seed to plant so as to begin feeding their families. Hardly anyone took him up on his offer. Why? After decades of a socialistic state that fed them all for free (and, O, by the way, bankrupted the nation’s economy), no one was up for working for their food.

As we here in the US have finally begun to learn through the dismal failures of our welfare state, throwing money at people doesn’t solve problems, it only exacerbates them.

The problem with many of the people in the nation’s we wish to help is not that they do not have the tools or capital with which to farm or build businesses: it is that they all too often do not have the will or motivation to work. Furthermore, it was the wrongheaded policies of the US, Great Britain and other donor nations that helped see to it that this destructive mindset was rewarded.

If we are finally going to inexorably tie our aid to human rights, responsible fiscal policies, and on-going demonstrations of an increasingly productive populace then the cancellation of debt may be a great help to these nations. However—I have yet to see any display of this sort of political will power that would lead me to believe we will actually demand such accountability.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

Driving in Africa

Traffic Laws
In Africa, they are non-existent. No one pays attention to traffic signals, stop signs or speed restrictions. They don’t even pay attention to what side of the road to drive on. If they are passing a truck or a cow, be prepared to leave the road, as they consider the entire road to be their-side-of-the-road.

The lanes that are marked on the road serve no practical purpose whatsoever. In some cities where there may be six lanes on your side of the freeway marked with white lines, there will be 8 lanes of cars…or more. Think “bumper cars” at your local Fair Ground’s.

Do not worry about speed limits, as the locals see them as guiding principles, not as laws. Speaking of speed: the roads are…challenging. What they call potholes, we call ditches or ravines. Drive slowly or drive fast: it doesn’t matter, as your suspension is toast either way.

If you do speed or leave the road or cause someone else to leave the road, not to worry: the police are for decorative purposes only. If you do get pulled over, a twenty-dollar bill resolves the misunderstanding. But usually there are no police. Sometimes, however, there are soldiers. They do not want twenty-dollars, they want to demonstrate how much authority they have over you, especially if you are a white guy from the US. Do not mess with these guys because they have Double-O status (as in “007”) and are allowed to shoot you.

Road Blocks
There are three different kinds of roadblocks

1) Police Roadblock. The police wish to have the opportunity to eyeball your car and the people in it, or at least appear as if there is a reason they are being paid the exorbitant salary of one-dollar a day. Do not stop or they will think you want to chat or to be searched. Merely smile, nod your head respectfully, wave, and keep moving.

2) Military Roadblock. Here you will be stopped, as they are looking for terrorists, enemies of the President, or a date for Friday night. They may want to see your passport or AAA driving permit. Be polite, even if they are rude. This is no place to be macho: they have weapons. Although many of these Barney Fife’s have only one bullet that is in their shirt pocket, now is not the time to play Sheriff Taylor. If you get uppity they will search your car, your luggage and places on your body where the sun doesn’t shine.

3) The Fallen Tree Roadblock. This is where you go as fast as possible and run the car around or over the trees trunks and limbs. Do not worry about the oil pan underneath your car: worry about your life. Thieves and marauders man this roadblock.

Animals
The general rule of thumb is this: Animals have the right away. Getting around cows is an art. You can sound your horn but they are usually oblivious. If you sound your horn too often, the herder will take his time moving the cows out of the way. If you don’t honk at all, he will think you are cool with sitting there all day. Seeking to navigate around the cow is an iffy enterprise as the cow thinks the car wants to dance and will keep moving with you so as to remain directly in front of you. Goats are a bit more skittish and can be scattered by the touch of a bumper. Note I said a “touch.” Killing or maiming the goat or any other animal results in all the bystanders pelting your car with beer bottles, chickens, and street urchins.

In Case of Accident
Accidents in Africa or any other Developing Nation are horrific. Busses built for 100 people are carrying 200 people. Taxis with seats for 6 people are loaded with 12 people in the car, 2 on the hood, 4 on the trunk, 5 on the roof, 1 holding on to each door, and 10 seeking to jump on the car. Motorcycles are carrying entire villages. You get the picture. Accidents are bloody messes. Furthermore, all drivers in an accident are taken to jail until the police sort it out, which could take days, weeks or months. You don’t get a phone call. If by some stroke of luck you do, whom are you going to call, the American Embassy? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Surely you jest?

I highly recommend hiring a driver so that, if there is an accident, he goes to jail. If you think that you can’t afford a driver, remember this: the only way to stay out of jail is to carry large amounts of cash with which you will seek to placate the angry mob, as well as the police. Even this may not work. If you opt for the option of carrying cash be certain all US currency was printed after 1999, as no one will accept older bills. No one. Not even the banks.

Driving Etiquette
When approaching stop sign/traffic signal/intersection, sound your horn, make the sign of the cross, and accelerate.

When approaching a roundabout, sound your horn, gesture with hand outside window, sound your horn, and proceed.

When you come upon pedestrians, sound horn, yell at the top of your lungs, and proceed.

When nothing is in your way, sound horn and keep proceeding merrily on your way.

Sounding your horn serves to make you appear as a local, thus gaining rapport with the other drivers, pedestrians and animals on the road.

As I have previously written, driving in Africa is one of the more dangerous things I do there. On the other hand, I grew up learning to drive on I-95 in Miami. It’s not much different.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

So You Wanna Go To Africa

Dr. Reik Machar, Vice-President of Southern Sudan

It’s usually hot: real hot…so hot every pore in your body screams for a mercy killing. But maybe that is just Monte. Some people may find working in a sauna appealing.

Unless you are in Cape Town or some resort in Nairobi or Kampala, things don’t work all that well. Light switches only mean there was once electricity. The menu you are ordering from is only a list of items that sometimes can be prepared…but not for you…not today. The auto you rented will probably break down. (I lucked out last year when it did so as I was driving off of the rental lot.)

If you are a fan of the UN or World Bank or International Monetary Fund…get ready to be disillusioned.

Prepare to wait…and wait. Bring your iPod and plenty of books to read. The pace here is slow. People may wear watches but it’s just for show. “9 o’clock Monday morning” means “sometime today.” Maybe.

Planning and strategizing is something else you can do when you are waiting…as long as you realize that such activity should be seen as, primarily, a mental exercise that has little or no bearing on reality. You must always keep The Goal in view, being prepared at any moment to change your plans, revise your strategy, rethink your tactics. Nothing ever goes as planned here.

Many of the people you meet will see you as a mark. They have a product to sell you: their poverty. They all have stories, all are suffering, and only you can help them…with cash…and the dollars need to have been printed after 2000. Given so many Westerners will instantly respond with a fist full of dollars, you can’t blame them for trying. But the problem is that such misguided generosity often exacerbates their problems, it does not alleviate them. And after a while your battle is not only to be more discerning in your charity, it is also a battle against your own sense of creeping cynicism.

Try as you might—and you should never give up—you will never understand the African culture. Be humble. Keep apologies at the ready. Listen to your African friends. If they say something is a social faux pas, it is usually a good idea to avoid it. If they say to not give money to someone you were about to give to, you probably shouldn’t. If they say, “Don’t go there, it isn’t safe, or right, or acceptable,” then don’t go there. One of my best friends is Derek Hammond. He has lived in Africa all his life. If Derek says Don’t Do That, Monte doesn’t Do That. If, going into Sudan, Derek says, This is How It Works, Monte does not improvise. (I know, this is totally out of character for me, but, hey, I like breathing, and I hate getting sick, so Derek’s words carry a lot of weight.) If you want to be successful in Africa—or any other foreign culture—find yourself a Derek. It saves a lot of heartache, a lot of wasted energy, and a lot of unnecessary trips to the toilet (literally and figuratively).

Prepare to meet some aspects of your personality you hadn’t met before. Being thousands of miles away from home and under some peculiarly stressful situations usually brings out the best and the worst of us. When the “worst” shows up, don’t hide behind excuses such as, “That isn’t me, “ or “I am just tired.” It was you. You did it, you said it: own it, deal with it, and move on.

Don’t sit around waiting for an opportunity to do something great, grand and glorious. Find something good to do and get at it. All you can do is what you can do: God decides the ultimate outcome. (Am I deep or what!) And remember, if you are going to accomplish any good at all you are going to get dirty and you are going to make mistakes. If you aren’t getting dirty and you aren’t making mistakes you aren’t doing any good.

None of this is to suggest you should forget about going to Africa and take your free time and discretionary income and go sip wine in Napa Valley. It is only to remind you that doing good work anywhere—especially in Africa—is rarely fun. It is messy, difficult, hard work that comes with a price.

You either hate Africa or fall in love with it. My first trip to Africa was in the late 80’s where I almost instantly developed a love-hate relationship with it. I love the people, love its exotic beauty, love the infinite possibilities for doing good. I hate the heat, hate the emotional toll that disease, poverty and war takes on me, and I hate what five-decades of the no-strings-attached charity from Donor Nations has done to the African. I also hate that I do not go there more often, and hate that I don’t even do more work there.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

Saying No to the Needs of Others

Jesus walks into a room, heals one person among many who are seriously ill, and then walks out. What’s up with that? Didn’t he care for the needs of all?

Jesus chose 12 men to disciple, which means there were quite a few that were not chosen. Did this mean he didn’t love all those who were not chosen for this special relationship? And out of this 12 there was one whom he loved the most: wasn’t he worried about the feelings of the other 11?

Word gets around that Jesus is in town and is casting out demons, healing the sick and doing some pretty cool stuff for people. The crowds show up to his doorstep. Does he get about meeting all the needs of these people? Nope. He turns to his disciples and says, “Let’s skedaddle.” Why? “Because I only say what I hear my Father saying, only do what I see my Father doing.” In other words, obeying his Father wass what mattered most to Jesus, not the needs of others.

Recent Phone Conversation:

Friend: Monte, the other day when you turned down the invite to my party, you really hurt my feelings.
Monte: (Silence)
Friend: I know you were tired from the trip to Africa but it was really important to me that you come. Why wouldn’t you?
Monte: As I told you, I was wiped out from the trip and knew I would be falling asleep on my feet.
Friend: Don’t you think you could have made the sacrifice?
Monte: No. I had very little emotional reserves for such an effort and needed to recoup for some important meetings the next day.
Friend: So those meetings were more important?
Monte: Frankly, yes.
Friend: Well…uhhhh…you really hurt my feelings.
Monte: (Wanting to say, “So your feelings are the standard of evaluation?”) I deeply regret that but it was best for me to stay home and go to bed.


I think one of the most powerful trump cards to use so as to cripple a serious Christian is the charge of being selfish or self-centered…followed closely by being charged with arrogance.

If I hold to my principles and convictions, refusing to sacrifice either, I am selfish or arrogant…or arrogantly selfish. The person demanding I bow before their convictions or needs, however, is virtuous? How so?

Why is it “selfish” (read: sinful) for me to stand up for my values/beliefs/vision, but “selfless” (read: virtuous) when someone denies their values/beliefs/vision? Why is it “selfish” for me to hold to my vision, refusing to swerve one way or the other, but it is virtuous for someone to deny their God-given vision and follow another person’s?

Well, Wilson, Christianity is all about sacrifice.” Really? It is All About Sacrifice? What about obeying God’s call, following after Christ no matter the cost (a cost that includes having people accuse of you being selfish and arrogant!), or being a faithful steward over my gifts/talents/resources: are these not also some pretty important teachings of our Faith?

Is the act of meeting someone’s needs in-and-of-itself a virtue? What if their need is illegitimate? What if meeting their need will bankrupt you? What if meeting their need leaves you incapable of carrying out your mission in life, or at least keeps you from attending to more important needs? What if meeting their need gets in the way of what God is seeking to teach them through that need?

My needs are not a claim on you or your resources. Say this with me: Your-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. His-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. Her-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. Their-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources.

Acts of charity are acts of freewill. It is not charity (love) if you are forced at the point of a gun (metaphorically or literally) or coerced through guilt-manipulation to give. (Although it is sometimes wise to submit in such circumstances…but that is a thought for another day.) Resignation to force or to guilt-manipulation is not the same thing as submitting to the laws of love. There are no rewards—no spiritual gold stars, no heavenly pats on the back--for giving in to tyrants or guilt-manipulators.

The needs of others should never be the driving force in our relationships or our decision-making process. Love is what should infuse and inform all that we do: love for God and love for others. Loving God I seek to be and to do all I can for His Love’s sake…and that sometimes demands I pass by certain people and their needs. Loving others, I seek to do what I can for their best…and that sometimes demands I say No, not today, not this time, not now.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007

What is Important...to Me

At least once a month I receive an email asking me why I don’t write about political issues or cutting edge theological issues all that often. “Back in the day you really took it to people.” Usually I send the person my essay on Fire Breathers and never hear from him or her again. This week, however, I received a note where the individual was genuinely concerned that I had lost my “mo-jo,” “gone over to the Dark Side,” given up on “The important battles of the day,” etc.

The issue for me is not only what is Important but, also, what is Important To Me.

Orthodoxy, of course, remains Important…and Important to Me. Other doctrinal battles—however critical they might be—take a back seat.

Such cultural and societal issues as abortion, the war on terror, and the national debt are also Important and Important to Me. The question—for me—is where do I give my energies and resources? I am a finite being with limited resources, gifting, talents and time so I must ask the question: what is Important To Me and, conversely, what is Not Important to Me?

The ongoing debate on Justification by Faith Alone, for example, (understanding that saving Faith is never alone) is Important, but is it a battle I should wage on a Grand Scale? There are plenty of people more qualified than I am to wage this battle, so is it the wisest place for me to spend my resources? This is not to say that I do not stand ready to give an answer for the hope that I have, only that it may or may not be a battle where I as an individual Christian should engage myself.

An example of what is Not Important to Me is being right about everything. Some issues are simply not worth the relational damage, and not worth the factions they cause within the Church. I will argue about issues such as church government or baptism…but only up to a point. As my brother Richard is always saying, “You can be right about everything all the time or you can have friends.” You can’t do both.

Yes, I have changed my emphasis over the last years. The biggest reason for my change is that I saw so many battles being lost because the individuals waging the battle were clueless: clueless about the fact that they were unnecessarily alienating people, clueless that they were their own worst enemy, clueless as to what they were actually communicating. So, my time and energy have gradually gone to writing and speaking about character, congruency, and communication.

If the man or woman fighting for what is Important is not spiritually, psychologically, or intellectually equipped for the battle, he or she will not only risking their own health, but also will potentially bring disrepute to the cause they are fighting for. This is what is Important to Me.

• What is it that your life is communicating?
• What is it that people are Hearing you say? Not what do you Intend to say, but what are people actually hearing?
• Is your life (as a whole) a monument, a testimony, that attracts, motivates, and compels people to listen to you?
• What do your relationships communicate to people who are taking the time to notice? How many of your friendships date back over a decade or two? How many of your friendships include people who disagree with you on what you perceive as Important issues? Do “prostitutes and tax gatherers” listen to you gladly, as they did Jesus?

Questions such as these are what is Important and—as for the questions about why I have “changed”—what is Important to Me.

Copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007