Jesus walks into a room, heals one person among many who are seriously ill, and then walks out. What’s up with that? Didn’t he care for the needs of all?
Jesus chose 12 men to disciple, which means there were quite a few that were not chosen. Did this mean he didn’t love all those who were not chosen for this special relationship? And out of this 12 there was one whom he loved the most: wasn’t he worried about the feelings of the other 11?
Word gets around that Jesus is in town and is casting out demons, healing the sick and doing some pretty cool stuff for people. The crowds show up to his doorstep. Does he get about meeting all the needs of these people? Nope. He turns to his disciples and says, “Let’s skedaddle.” Why? “Because I only say what I hear my Father saying, only do what I see my Father doing.” In other words, obeying his Father wass what mattered most to Jesus, not the needs of others.
Recent Phone Conversation:
Friend: Monte, the other day when you turned down the invite to my party, you really hurt my feelings.
Monte: (Silence)
Friend: I know you were tired from the trip to Africa but it was really important to me that you come. Why wouldn’t you?
Monte: As I told you, I was wiped out from the trip and knew I would be falling asleep on my feet.
Friend: Don’t you think you could have made the sacrifice?
Monte: No. I had very little emotional reserves for such an effort and needed to recoup for some important meetings the next day.
Friend: So those meetings were more important?
Monte: Frankly, yes.
Friend: Well…uhhhh…you really hurt my feelings.
Monte: (Wanting to say, “So your feelings are the standard of evaluation?”) I deeply regret that but it was best for me to stay home and go to bed.
I think one of the most powerful trump cards to use so as to cripple a serious Christian is the charge of being selfish or self-centered…followed closely by being charged with arrogance.
If I hold to my principles and convictions, refusing to sacrifice either, I am selfish or arrogant…or arrogantly selfish. The person demanding I bow before their convictions or needs, however, is virtuous? How so?
Why is it “selfish” (read: sinful) for me to stand up for my values/beliefs/vision, but “selfless” (read: virtuous) when someone denies their values/beliefs/vision? Why is it “selfish” for me to hold to my vision, refusing to swerve one way or the other, but it is virtuous for someone to deny their God-given vision and follow another person’s?
Well, Wilson, Christianity is all about sacrifice.” Really? It is All About Sacrifice? What about obeying God’s call, following after Christ no matter the cost (a cost that includes having people accuse of you being selfish and arrogant!), or being a faithful steward over my gifts/talents/resources: are these not also some pretty important teachings of our Faith?
Is the act of meeting someone’s needs in-and-of-itself a virtue? What if their need is illegitimate? What if meeting their need will bankrupt you? What if meeting their need leaves you incapable of carrying out your mission in life, or at least keeps you from attending to more important needs? What if meeting their need gets in the way of what God is seeking to teach them through that need?
My needs are not a claim on you or your resources. Say this with me: Your-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. His-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. Her-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources. Their-needs-are-not-a-claim-on-me-or-my-resources.
Acts of charity are acts of freewill. It is not charity (love) if you are forced at the point of a gun (metaphorically or literally) or coerced through guilt-manipulation to give. (Although it is sometimes wise to submit in such circumstances…but that is a thought for another day.) Resignation to force or to guilt-manipulation is not the same thing as submitting to the laws of love. There are no rewards—no spiritual gold stars, no heavenly pats on the back--for giving in to tyrants or guilt-manipulators.
The needs of others should never be the driving force in our relationships or our decision-making process. Love is what should infuse and inform all that we do: love for God and love for others. Loving God I seek to be and to do all I can for His Love’s sake…and that sometimes demands I pass by certain people and their needs. Loving others, I seek to do what I can for their best…and that sometimes demands I say No, not today, not this time, not now.
copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007
2 comments:
I think I need to read and re-read your mantra here, over and over again. All of my adult life I've been a 'people pleaser' and, just now, I'm learning that it's sucking my life away to be that way. Boundaries. Its about boundaries..... isn't it?
2+ years later, seeking out this blog and re-reading it. Wisdom. Thank you.
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