Driving in Africa

Traffic Laws
In Africa, they are non-existent. No one pays attention to traffic signals, stop signs or speed restrictions. They don’t even pay attention to what side of the road to drive on. If they are passing a truck or a cow, be prepared to leave the road, as they consider the entire road to be their-side-of-the-road.

The lanes that are marked on the road serve no practical purpose whatsoever. In some cities where there may be six lanes on your side of the freeway marked with white lines, there will be 8 lanes of cars…or more. Think “bumper cars” at your local Fair Ground’s.

Do not worry about speed limits, as the locals see them as guiding principles, not as laws. Speaking of speed: the roads are…challenging. What they call potholes, we call ditches or ravines. Drive slowly or drive fast: it doesn’t matter, as your suspension is toast either way.

If you do speed or leave the road or cause someone else to leave the road, not to worry: the police are for decorative purposes only. If you do get pulled over, a twenty-dollar bill resolves the misunderstanding. But usually there are no police. Sometimes, however, there are soldiers. They do not want twenty-dollars, they want to demonstrate how much authority they have over you, especially if you are a white guy from the US. Do not mess with these guys because they have Double-O status (as in “007”) and are allowed to shoot you.

Road Blocks
There are three different kinds of roadblocks

1) Police Roadblock. The police wish to have the opportunity to eyeball your car and the people in it, or at least appear as if there is a reason they are being paid the exorbitant salary of one-dollar a day. Do not stop or they will think you want to chat or to be searched. Merely smile, nod your head respectfully, wave, and keep moving.

2) Military Roadblock. Here you will be stopped, as they are looking for terrorists, enemies of the President, or a date for Friday night. They may want to see your passport or AAA driving permit. Be polite, even if they are rude. This is no place to be macho: they have weapons. Although many of these Barney Fife’s have only one bullet that is in their shirt pocket, now is not the time to play Sheriff Taylor. If you get uppity they will search your car, your luggage and places on your body where the sun doesn’t shine.

3) The Fallen Tree Roadblock. This is where you go as fast as possible and run the car around or over the trees trunks and limbs. Do not worry about the oil pan underneath your car: worry about your life. Thieves and marauders man this roadblock.

Animals
The general rule of thumb is this: Animals have the right away. Getting around cows is an art. You can sound your horn but they are usually oblivious. If you sound your horn too often, the herder will take his time moving the cows out of the way. If you don’t honk at all, he will think you are cool with sitting there all day. Seeking to navigate around the cow is an iffy enterprise as the cow thinks the car wants to dance and will keep moving with you so as to remain directly in front of you. Goats are a bit more skittish and can be scattered by the touch of a bumper. Note I said a “touch.” Killing or maiming the goat or any other animal results in all the bystanders pelting your car with beer bottles, chickens, and street urchins.

In Case of Accident
Accidents in Africa or any other Developing Nation are horrific. Busses built for 100 people are carrying 200 people. Taxis with seats for 6 people are loaded with 12 people in the car, 2 on the hood, 4 on the trunk, 5 on the roof, 1 holding on to each door, and 10 seeking to jump on the car. Motorcycles are carrying entire villages. You get the picture. Accidents are bloody messes. Furthermore, all drivers in an accident are taken to jail until the police sort it out, which could take days, weeks or months. You don’t get a phone call. If by some stroke of luck you do, whom are you going to call, the American Embassy? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Surely you jest?

I highly recommend hiring a driver so that, if there is an accident, he goes to jail. If you think that you can’t afford a driver, remember this: the only way to stay out of jail is to carry large amounts of cash with which you will seek to placate the angry mob, as well as the police. Even this may not work. If you opt for the option of carrying cash be certain all US currency was printed after 1999, as no one will accept older bills. No one. Not even the banks.

Driving Etiquette
When approaching stop sign/traffic signal/intersection, sound your horn, make the sign of the cross, and accelerate.

When approaching a roundabout, sound your horn, gesture with hand outside window, sound your horn, and proceed.

When you come upon pedestrians, sound horn, yell at the top of your lungs, and proceed.

When nothing is in your way, sound horn and keep proceeding merrily on your way.

Sounding your horn serves to make you appear as a local, thus gaining rapport with the other drivers, pedestrians and animals on the road.

As I have previously written, driving in Africa is one of the more dangerous things I do there. On the other hand, I grew up learning to drive on I-95 in Miami. It’s not much different.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007