You Cannot NOT Communicate

Everything about you is communicating. Your posture, how you are breathing, the level of your energy, your eyes, how your hair is styled, your attire and a zillion other things about you are transmitting data to everyone around you. The question is this: is all of this data supporting or detracting from the intention of your communication? Is everything about “you” congruent with your spoken words?

Think of communication this way:

The tonality of your words is, in fact, “words.”

The pace of your spoken words and the energy with which you are speaking those words are conveying specific thoughts to your audience.

Your posture—how you are standing, sitting, moving—is projecting word-thoughts to your audience.

Your clothing is a message. What is the message: authoritative, approachable, clueless ... what?

Your psychological state, which includes such things as your beliefs about yourself, your message and your audience, is telling a story.

The question is this: are all these “words” congruent with the intention of your communication?

Congruency = Efficaciousness

Speaking of words … simply because the words you choose to speak are clear to you doesn’t mean that they are communicating what you intend to your audience. This is why it is important for you to define your terms.

They Cannot NOT Communicate
Just as you are always communicating, so is your audience. Have you ever been speaking with someone whose mouth was uttering the word, “Yes,” but his head was shaking side to side with a very clear expression of, “No”? This is an incongruity that you will want to investigate. You can do this, overtly, “I notice that you are saying yes while you are shaking your head no,” or you can do it somewhat covertly, “I was wondering, is there any part of you hesitating to go forward here?”

We all are aware of the reality of this principle. Maybe you have perceived that, while an individual was speaking cheerfully, their demeanor was rigid and fearful. Or what about the time you were speaking with someone whose eyes were glued to yours as if she were hanging on every word, but you intuited that her mind had wondered off? There was something about her giving you important information--information that you will want to utilize.

Pay attention to what your audience is communicating. What are their postures, breathing patterns, and eyes (the window to their souls) communicating? Are they following you, or are their thoughts meandering elsewhere? Are they listening to you, or are they still thinking about a point you made five-minutes ago? Calibrate: constantly be aware of your audiences’ communications, determining whether or not they are moving along the direction you intend or not, and adjust your strategy accordingly.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2009