Performing or Living?

While standing in line at the grocery store the other day, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of two women in front of me. Actually, people three lines over could hear them. Lady Number One was angry and hurt over being rejected by her long time boyfriend. Lady Number Two was seeking to comfort her by telling her that there were plenty of men out there, that she could do far better than him, and to remember—Cue drum-roll, please—“Living well is the best revenge.”

Tit-for-tat
Gotchya
Now, what do you think? HA!
See, you were wrong about me!

I wonder if this is a healthy motivation, as it focuses on the thoughts, opinions and evaluation of others, rather than on simply seeking to maintain your ideals, living your own life as you believe best, and going about fulfilling your raison d’êtres. As long as I am driven to “prove you wrong,” am I not allowing you to define my life? By doing what I do to satisfy a need for “revenge” aren’t I making someone else the final arbiter of whether or not I am leading a Good Life?

Another problem with this motivation is this: what if this person is not even paying attention? After all, it is not like everyone around us is so free as to have nothing better to do than obsessing over what we are doing.

Anyway, most of us only see what we are predisposed to see. If this man truly is an “enemy,” do you think your new car, promotion or European vacation is going make him think, “Wow, God/the gods/ the Universe is really blessing her!” Not hardly. More than likely his thoughts will run something like this: “Fine. She is getting hers in this life. In eternity, there will be hell to pay.”

You see this all the time in American Church-o-rama. If a church has more people than the one I attend and is adding members every week, it has “Sold out, sacrificing the Truth for success.” The reason my church can hold meetings in a broom closet, don't ya know, is because we are faithful. If we lose one of our 20 members, we are having a “back door revival,” getting rid of the chaff, leaving only wheat. Of course, if we start growing in number, it is God blessing our faithfulness. Again: not so, with your church.

We see what we want to see. To my enemies, my Great Life is a mirage, or it is proof of a Faustian deal with the devil. So much for gotchyas.

I was about to write: Leave revenge up to God. However, in this context, why even think in categories of revenge? Why waste the energy? Why give people power over your happiness? If living well is not its own reward, we are in trouble. After all, if living our life as we believe best is all about proving something to someone else, we are not living: we are performing for an audience—an audience that may not even be paying attention, and, if they do, are going to judge our performance as proof of what they already thought of us. So much for revenge.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2009