The Missing Soul

As a coach, one of the more common problems my clients wrestle with is the issue of what author Thomas Moore refers to as loss of soul: the loss of a sense of wholeness, feeling disconnected from life.

When our jobs bring us no real, substantive sense of satisfaction;

When our primary relationships are stuck on Not Working, and we feel the futility of all past hopes for joy and meaningfulness;

When either or both of these challenges occur, we are experiencing the Missing Soul.

One of the more poignant descriptions of this loss can be read and felt in Fernando Pessoa’s poem “There is a sickness worse than sickness,”

My soul came apart like an empty jar.
It fell overwhelmingly down the stairs.
Dropped from the hands of a careless maid.
It fell. Smashed into more pieces than there was china
in the jar.

Nonsense? Impossible? How should I know?
I have more sensations now than when I felt I was all me.
I am a litter of shards strewn on a doormat about to be
swept.

My soul came apart like an empty jar This about sums up the life-experience of so many people. Maybe the “maid” was a spouse or ex-spouse; maybe it was a boss; maybe a teacher or friend; maybe it was a series of painful experiences. Whomever or whatever happened, the individual now feels as “a litter of shards”: soul-wearied, soul-broken, soul-less.

I think one of the ways we can begin gathering the pieces of our shattered souls is by first acknowledging the source of our feeling disconnected. I am not referring to the culprit(s), mind you, but to the fact that what is “wrong” lie within our souls.

He is not the problem.
She is not the problem.
They are not the problem.
It is not the problem.

The problem is with soul.

What the soul is missing is quite simple: simple, but not simplistic. What's missing is love. Whether it is in loving our work or at least putting love into the work we are performing, or allowing our love to, once again, reopen our hearts toward others, it is the lack of giving and receiving love that keeps us disconnected from our worlds. In his book “A Life at Work: The Joy of Discovering What You Were Born to Do,” Thomas Moore writes:

This talk of love may seem completely out of place in relation to contemporary work life. It may seem more a luxury than an essential. That is because we tend to think in purely pragmatic terms. We worry about profit, efficiency, and productivity so much that important human issues go unnoticed. Whatever the work, however exalted or menial, a person needs the basic experiences of intimate connection and love.

Feelings of belonging, connection, history, and involvement may seem secondary to the person designing and managing the job, but these soul qualities have everything to do with good and fulfilling work. They may appear to be second in importance to productivity and efficiency, and yet they have an impact on the success of the work being done. Tardiness, absenteeism, and sloppy work are often due to the absence of soul in the workplace.

Moore Soul: Deepening, broadening, enriching, and caring for the soul is the theme that runs through each of Moore’s books. By the way, I highly recommend his Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life, and Dark Nights of the Soul, which was the only book I read for months when my soul last went into utter darkness. (For True Believers--you know who you are: Moore does not write as a Christian and uses metaphors and images mined from many different religions.)

Whereas so many authors, coaches and managers emphasize technical expertise and competencies (which are important), few seem to get just how critical soul is to living a whole life ... which includes our work environment. Moore gets it. We need to.

Love is what gathers the shattered pieces of our souls.
Love is how we bring our whole self into our work.
Love is the only way to be fully in the moment.

Bringing soul back into our work and relationships— back into the totality of our lives—begins with bringing love back into our lives. Loving God and loving others as we love ourselves is the way to reconnect to life with purpose and passion. Or so I believe, anyway. However, for those who are experiencing the Missing Soul, seeking to revive love can be a daunting task.

Where to begin:

For those of you who are people of faith, I suggest beginning with your relationship with God. Be open. Be honest about your losses, your sufferings, and your sense of alienation. (It’s not like you can say some- thing God doesn’t already know, anyway.) Seek to rekindle a living, loving, authentic relationship. Don’t, as yet, give a lot of conscious thought to loving work and others: focus on reinvestigating and renewing your faith in and love for God.

For those of you are not people of faith, begin with loving the gift of life, loving the world and the times in which you are living. Be open to surprises, to beauty, and to the goodness that is all around you. Pay attention to the small kindnesses you see in everyday life. Don’t try to do anything: Don’t try to study what you are seeing, or learn from it, or apply it, just acknowledge what you see and be careful to whisper a thank you. This also might be a good place to start for those people of faith that are ticked off at God!

Life is too short to waste another moment ignoring the care of your soul. While it is far easier to focus only on surface concerns, it is far more rewarding to dig deeper down, into the soul.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2009