A Few Good Men ... On Steroids

The following has been making the rounds on the internet:

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide,! then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You're gddamn right I did!! +


I guess if you are a baseball fan, Roger “The Dodger” Clemens’ appearance before some Senators and their Committee to Waste Tax Payer’s Money was a big deal. After free agency, I pretty much stopped following professional baseball, so am only slightly interested in what happens with The Boys of Summer. But it seems I am a minority because I can’t turn on any television station without seeing Clemens and his Ratter Outer (is that grammatically correct?), McNamee, sitting before the August Senators.

Here are our elected officials—men and women we have called on to represent us in dealing with terrorism, subprime disasters, the debacle in our Public Schools, and other such serious issues—and they are sitting there for what seems like days getting all hot-and-bothered about exactly who went to Jose Cansecos’ party, that fateful night? Can anything be more a waste of time and money: unless, of course, it is investigating how to stop Global Warming. (Cue: spooky music)

And now there is Arlen Specter, the RINO of all RINOS preening before cameras (LWM: honey, this stands for Republican In Name Only), wanting Congress to step in and find out why Roger Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, destroyed the tapes that showed Coach Belichick filming opposing teams. “What did you know and when did you know it?” (Cue: voice over of President Nixon, “I am not a crook!”) Are these guys so bored that they have time to interfere in how a private business operates?

I think it was Von Mises who defined Economics as how people get what they want with what they have. Our Senators define it as “how we get what we want with what you have.” Well this taxpayer doesn’t want his money being spent on such trivial pursuits. Come on guys; deal with some serious issues … like why Britney Spears can’t seem to find a good Psychologist.

Copyright, Monte E. Wilson, 2008