The Nature of Love

O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open. 2 Corinthians 6: 11-13 (NKJ)

This is an incredible demonstration of how someone who has been filled with God's love will behave. After all the accusations, the condemnations thrown at Paul by the Corinthians, and the denigration of his contribution toward their spiritual welfare, Paul’s heart is unrestrained and unrestricted toward them.

As a minister, you are quite often being judged, sized up, evaluated and found wanting: usually because the standard being used is “my needs,” “my preferences", or “my opinions.” For many, the pain of these judgments can become so overwhelming that, almost unknowingly, they begin to shut down their hearts. And in doing so, they restrict their ability to show forth the love of God, as well as to receive love from others.

It is not merely ministers who are faced with the temptation of shutting their heart down, of course: it is a battle for most all of us.

Few relationships of any depth are without some pain. Loving someone causes us to be vulnerable to that person. The greater the degree of love, the greater our vulnerability…and this vulnerability opens us up to the potential of even greater personal pain.

We can’t have it both ways: we can’t be invulnerable to pain and open to both giving and receiving love. To the degree we close ourselves off from pain, to that same degree we close ourselves off from giving and receiving love.

The reality is, however, that sometimes we are so wounded that our psychological survival demands we shut down. The challenge here is to only shut down for as long as it takes to be healed. Sometimes this will take a very long time. In such a case as this, we must constantly be offering our hearts to God the Father and seek to remain aware that our present behavior, however understandable, is not what God ultimately wants for and from us.

Another reality is that there will be people in our lives where wisdom demands that we not trust them with our hearts. In this case, it is a conscious decision based upon wisdom, not a reaction to being hurt.

Let’s say you loan your car to a friend and this friend brings it back all scratched up. He asks forgiveness and you easily say, “Of course.” The next time you loan your car to the friend it comes back minus a bumper. This time the forgiveness is a bit of a stretch but, seeking to “believe the best,” you grant the individual forgiveness and, once again, loan him your car…that he brings back with the right front door all mangled. He weeps, he grovels, and he asks forgiveness. What do you do?

You forgive him, of course. Nevertheless you do not loan him your car again. Why? Because your car is a gift from God over which you are to remain a good steward. The same holds true for your heart. (By the way, for those Christians who think love demands that we give ourselves to all who ask of us, consider this: what do we call a person who gives their body to anyone who asks for it?)

The choice to not give our possessions, our lives or our hearts to specific people must come from a sense of wise stewardship, however, not as a reaction to pain.

And if someone dares ask, What Would Jesus Do? Tell ‘em to go read John 2: 23-25. After performing some miracles, many who witnessed these signs believed on Jesus. What did he do? Well, as he knew what was (or was not) in these people’s hearts, he chose to not commit himself to them. The superficiality of their faith meant that either they would be uninterested in "following him" as disciples or that, as soon as the trials began, these people would be the first in line to pick up stones and start firing away at him.

Jesus didn’t refrain from giving himself because he feared being hurt. He didn’t run away from a relationship with these people because he was fed up with abuse. Wisdom demanded he move on in search of those whose hearts were willing to be his.

copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007