Never to do outrage, nor murder, and always to flee treason. Also, by no means to be cruel, but to give mercy unto him that asketh mercy, upon pain of forfeiture of their worship and lordship of King Arthur for evermore: and always to do to ladies, damsels, and gentlewomen succor, upon pain of death. Also, that no man takes battles in a wrongful quarrel for no law, nor for world’s goods. Unto this were all the knights sworn of the table round.
Sir Thomas Malory, Le Morte D’Arthur
You have begun your quest to becoming a Legendary Leader. You are seeking an inner greatness of soul that will produce great accomplishments. The question now is this: what code will you live by? What code will guide your choices of conduct? How exactly will you behave as you make your way through life?
The legendary basketball coach of UCLA, John Wooden, adopted the following code given to him by his father when he was a young man.
- Be true to yourself.
- Make each day your masterpiece.
- Help others.
- Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
- Make friendship a fine art.
- Build a shelter against a rainy day.
- Pray for guidance, count and give thanks for your blessings every day.
If you are familiar with Arthurian legends you will remember that one of the chief codes of conduct for a knight was chivalry. A perfect description of chivalrous behavior is found in Mallory’s, Morte D’Arthur where Sir Ector describes Lancelot, who has just died, as “a man meek in the hall with women and as the sternest of knights in battle.” He was both humble and fierce—and he knew when to be which. Blending and integrating strength and honor, a warrior’s spirit with humility, was the code that governed the knight’s behavior on the battlefield and “in the hall with women.”
The wisdom of a code is that when a situation arises as to how you should behave in a particular context, you don’t have to wing it: you don’t have to fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. You have thought about your code and have crafted it so as to know what behavior will harmonize with who you wish to be.
CS Lewis wrote that we humans were gods and goddesses—or demons—in the making. What sort of code will support such a future? What code of conduct will lead you toward god-likeness? (I am assuming no one reading this wishes his or her future to be that of becoming demon-like!)
Good Conduct
St. Paul offers a code of conduct found in his letter to the Church in Rome. Some of the behaviors he calls for people to adopt are the honoring of others above our selves, devotion to one another, living with zeal, hating what is evil and clinging to what is good. He also writes that we should live in harmony with one another, to be happy with those who are happy and to weep with those who weep.
What ethical standard will you live by? By what standard of behavior shall you gauge or measure your behavior and choices? How will you define “good” in regard to your behaviors and choices?
By the way, this is a very important topic when crafting your team, your Round Table: by what standard shall we live by? No one on your team ever chooses to act on their desires without believing that they are seeking something “good” for themselves. However, as we all have experienced, we often later discover that it really wasn’t a “good” move on our part! The key, then, is to agree on the mutually beneficial “good”—beneficial to me and to the team/organization—that serves both the individual’s and the organization’s long term goals.
What code of conduct do you want to adopt? What behaviors and choices will support your becoming a Legendary Leader? Before you answer, think about your life in its entirety: when your life is over, what sort of conduct over the many years of your life will have created for you—and for those around you—a good life, a happy life? What code will lead you down the path toward becoming a Legendary Leader?
When Jefferson and Company wrote that citizens of the US were to have the freedom to “pursue…happiness,” they were not speaking about the pursuit of pleasure or enjoyment. They were echoing Aristotle’s assertions regarding a life well lived, a life that in its entirety was a “good” life: the leading philosophers of antiquity used the terms “Good” and “Happiness” interchangeably. Whether or not you attained happiness or the good life, according to Aristotle, could only be ascertained when you were at the end of your life. This is why freedom was so important to the Framers of the US Constitution. You cannot deal with the question, “How can I pursue the creation of a good and happy life for myself,” if you are not free to choose and not free from coercion.
We choose to behave the way we do because we believe it will be a “good” thing for us—something that will make us happy. The question is, however, will the choice bring us momentary pleasure or will it serve to create the good life of a Legendary Leader?
Whatever your code of conduct is to be, it is something that requires time, reflection and deliberation. So as to provoke your thinking, consider some of the following codes.
Keep the Golden Rule. As Jesus said, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. How do you wish to be treated? Do you wish others to treat your beliefs with respect? Then do the same for others. Do you wish for others to respect your property? Then do the same for others. Do you wish to compete in the market place on an even playing field? Then do the same for others. Do you wish to be treated with the dignity due a unique creation of God? Then do the same or others.
Do you know the saying, “What goes around comes around”? It is a modern day version of Jesus’ words, whatever you sow that shall you reap. Our behavioral choices have repercussions that will reverberate throughout our life times and, I believe, throughout eternity.
Spend time with the best and the brightest. You are going to become like the people you hang out with. You are going to be influenced by the movies you watch and the books you read. As you look at those people you choose to be with and the sorts of books and movies you chose, ask yourself this: Do I want to be like these people? Life is short. Don’t waste precious moments on people who bore you, fail to inspire you and whose special talent is raining on everyone else’s parade.
Do not waste much time being with foolish people. I am not speaking of those who are less fortunate or who have experienced a temporary set back. Be generous in these situations. Who I am referring to here is that individual who never learns from their mistakes, who constantly experience failure after failure and are proud of their status as a victim. These are foolish people who will only waste your time. You may wish to pray for such people but do not spend much time with them: they will drain you of the resources needed for learning from others or for helping those who do wish to change.
Fill your world with those who are mastering life and who are also seeking to be legends. Make an effort to find people who have the same skills you do—only are even better at it than you are. Go meet people who are totally outside of your day-to-day world. How many artists do you know? How many people from different ethnic backgrounds “color” your world? How many quirky, weird, eccentric people do you hang out with?
Keep your word. Be sparing with your promises but when you make one keep it. When you say you will arrive at certain time, show up at the time you promised. When you say a meeting will begin and end at specific times, do so. When you promise to pay a bill, pay it—on time. When you say you will perform a certain task, perform the task as promised.
David, the King of ancient Israel, wrote about “swearing to your own hurt.” Once the promise is made—no matter what the cost—keep the promise. People of good character gravitate toward those whose word is a covenant bond. They want such people as friends, coworkers and spouses.
If keeping your promise becomes painfully problematic for you, at the very least, go to the one to whom you made the promise and see if they are open to renegotiating the terms of the promise. Whatever you do, do not simply decide to break your word. It will cheapen you and rob you of the power and energy that comes from moral congruence.
Mind your own business. Do not believe second hand information. Do not engage in discussions about people who are not present. Not ever. Your life is too important and too full to allow yourself to be distracted by how someone else is living his or her life.
Constantly seek wisdom. What is wisdom?
- Wisdom is the ability to make decisions that are sound and healthy for you over the course of your life.
- Wisdom is knowing how to apply truth/facts/information in a given real-life circumstance.
- Wisdom is acting in one’s self-interest.
Solomon also said that those who rejected discipline and correction were stupid. The wise person, on the other hand, continually seeks to increase in knowledge and understanding. Wise people not only do not reject being taught a better way of doing things, they beg their teachers to correct them! Like John Wayne said, “Life is difficult. It is even more difficult when you are stupid.”
Many of the people who can give you wisdom are no longer on the earth but their wisdom is still available. Right now, there are kings and queens, philosophers and storytellers, scientists and spiritual guides whose writings are filled with knowledge and understanding that can speed you on your way. Why rob yourself of their wealth of wisdom? Why not pursue such people as teachers and guides?
Be open hearted. Give of yourself. Be charitable. Allow others to love you and to be loved by you. A full life is not lived in isolation. Commit yourself to making friends, to being a friend to others and to serving those who are less fortunate than you.
Read great books. I began this chapter with legendary basketball coach John Wooden’s code of conduct. One of his codes was, “Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.” Other than studying literature regarding his profession, why would reading good books be important to Coach Wooden? First of all, he understands that he is more than a coach: he is a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a friend, a man and a human. Those individuals whose lives’ consists solely of their careers do not have a life; consequently, their careers will suffer. Secondly, whatever adds to Coach Wooden as a human, adds to his entire life.
Why “good books”? Why not simply say, “read books”? There is a saying, “You are what you eat.” The same can be said of the books with which you feed your brain. If all you ever give your brain is candy, you will get cavities. Read books that challenge you to think and that inspire you to wrestle with larger issues that we humans face: issues such as love, betrayal, courage, poverty, work, war, greed, nobility, death, hope and faith.
This is only a brief list of behaviors that you may wish to consider for your own code of conduct. Remember, the choices you make today or this year not only affects the present quality of your life but the quality of your entire life, as well. Choose wisely. Start with the vision of the Legendary Leader you wish to become and the legacy you will wish to leave and then begin crafting a code that will guide you toward the fulfillment of your vision.
copyright Monte E Wilson, 2007
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