Curators, Counselors, and Chaos

One of the titles and responsibilities a minister often holds is that of curator: someone who cares for souls, facilitates the healing of souls. In a previous life, I was a minister who took this responsibility quite seriously. Whether it was the damage done by family dysfunction, or a traumatic experience such as the loss of a long cherished friend, or simply the dust from the surrounding culture crusting around a soul until it is as hard as concrete, people’s souls need tending to.

When I was young, I had the Answer Book (The Bible), and so had all the answers. “O,” Monte would pontificate, “you are struggling with that? Just say one prayer before you go to bed, another after you wake up in the morning, and memorize this verse by Friday!” Okay. I wasn’t that simplistic, but you get the picture.

When I was in my late 20’s I began realizing that I was talking more than listening, making more assertions than asking questions. In other words, I was assuming that I understood exactly what the problem was; precisely who the person was; and knew without a doubt what God was up to in their lives. Talk about arrogance!

Life and people are complex. There is a mystery that surrounds and permeates most of what we experience in the Dark Night of the Soul that I was not taking into account. Now? Now I believe that there are very few solutions to life’s problems: if by that you mean, “feeling all better” about yourself and your life.

Imagine if I had been sitting with Jonah in the belly of his whale. “The goal, Joe, is to ‘fix’ you up so you can get out of here ASAP! Rebuke the whale and, yeah verily, he shall spew you out of his mouth!” Really? And what if Jonah would have escaped the whale before God’s prescribed three days? Well, he might be “feeling all better” about himself but he wouldn’t have been in Nineveh.

What if God is not all that interested in our feeling better about our selves but about deepening our souls? What if all we can do—all we should do—is embrace what is happening, live our life as wisely as we can, and wait for God? Anyway--

After some time monitoring my results, I began to see that some of what I was counseling people may have helped to deliver them out of the chaos and agony they had been experiencing ("Golly gee wiz, is it great to get out of the whale!"), but they remained shallow people. Gradually, I began to redefine my place and function.

As I understand it now, I don’t think anyone can fix anyone else. (I am not referring to teaching people life-skills or helping them with practical wisdom, but to those experiences that shatter our worlds.) People aren’t computers or machines, and to treat them as such is beneath the dignity of their personhood. After all, you cannot solve life: you can only live it.

The older I become, the more reticent I am about giving advice to anyone. First of all, most people who ask do so because it either gives them the opportunity to tell you what they think (which is paramount in their minds), or they are shopping for what they want to hear. (Cue PA System: Counselor # 10, Counselor # 10.) Secondly, and this is most important, I, as the counselor, do not understand their challenges, do not understand what God is doing in their life, and so can have no definitive, airtight, this-solves-everything answers for them.

Again (and again and again and again), I am not suggesting that those who specialize in human nature cannot help us. I am suggesting that their help is limited. While they may have some general understanding of who you are, and what you might want to do about what you are facing--they do not understand. The counselor who humbly comes along side to help you knows this. The counselor who sits across from you seeking to fix you does not.

Remember the story of Job? He never knew what hit him, never knew why all hell erupted everywhere in his life. In fact, even when he “saw” God, he still was given no answers. But Job was cool. After all, once you see God you no longer need answers. God’s presence is infinitely better than having answers, more life-changing than discovering solutions, and more satisfying than “gaining closure” on our earthly trials and tribulations.

If many of life’s challenges are sent by God to deepen our souls, the counselor’s job, then, is to hold us steady while this occurs. Our job? Embrace the chaos and agony that is doing the excavation work.

And why is greater depth of soul important?

Because: only deep people can love deeply.

Copyright, 2008, Monte E Wilson