When I intend to be a loving person--when my determination is to demonstrate love in ways that others can see, hear and feel this love—my conscious and subconscious mind will automatically begin the process of seeking out avenues to do just this. I will also maintain a consistent awareness as to where I am and am not achieving what I am determining, and then adjusting my behaviors, attitudes and words accordingly. I am not interested in merely feeling loving; I am determining that others will be experiencing this love.
When it comes to motives, however—at least as I am using that word here—calibration and adjustments are irrelevant. “I AM feeling love toward you, whether you are getting it or not. If not, that’s your problem.”
People who are determined to produce X and see that they are getting Y adjust accordingly. My words and actions did not produce X so I choose a different tact. It’s a no-brainer. But it is right here where we discover the difference between those whose intentionality is to produce X and those who only wish to feel X-ing. For many people all that matters is saying, “My Heart is Filled with X.” It doesn’t matter that everywhere they go what people are getting from them is Y.
We see this delusion in many of our politicians. They say, for example, that their hearts are filled with compassion for the poor. The fact that their actions (policies and regulations) create more and more poor people is irrelevant. Results are meaningless. Why? Because it is all about feeling compassionate not about truly helping the poor.
Before you start screaming, “Amen,” however, look at your own life. Are you producing, over time, what you are professing to be your intentions? If you are not, then it is time for a Reality Check.
Owning your power includes taking responsibility for what your power is producing.
Yes, yes, if your intentions have only been embraced in the last few weeks, you probably need more time to compare your stated intentions with what is being produced. However, if this is not the case, if reality isn’t verifying your stated intentions, then wisdom dictates a change in tactics. Reality also might be dictating you check your actual intentions.
Back in the early 90’s I heard Daniel Tocchini refer to our individual worlds as a mirror. Brilliant metaphor. If my life is strewn with broken relationships—no matter what I profess about my loving heart--these mirrors are reflecting that I must change how I am seeking to demonstrate love or it is revealing a heart that just may be filled with a determination other than what I am professing.
Professing noble intentions may garner the applause of others, but for those of us whose intentions (determinations) are to achieve specific outcomes, applause means nothing and feelings of nobility useless: for us, results and achieving outcomes are what matters.
Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2011
1 comment:
This series (and much of what you have written on this blog) strikes a nerve with me. I am someone whose stated objectives and realized results don't line up. For a long time I considered myself a very compassionate person. I am very emotionally moved by the suffering of others, by injustice; but I see very little tangible "fruit" in my life that would indicate that I truly intend to do anything about the suffering I see around me. I read a statement somewhere that said, "Compassion without action is no compassion at all." It has proven your point in my life: if what I'm doing doesn't produce the stated objective, then I need to change tactics, do something, anything, accept failures for what they can build not fear them as some boogy man to be avoided at all costs. Now that's the hard part isn't it?
Post a Comment