When Life Doesn't Show-Up as Planned

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance. –Bruce Barton


Somewhere along the line we have adopted the belief that life should be easy and comfortable for every living soul, especially “mine.” There are to be no barriers along our path, nothing standing in the way of our goals, no one to aggravate us or go contrary to our beliefs of how-things-are-to-be-done, no one making us eat our vegetables. This may be the way we wish for life to come to us but it is not the way life here on earth plays out.

Sheesh, such a “reality” doesn’t even exist in Fairy Tales!

You cannot sprinkle pixie dust over your journey on earth so as to always experience favorable circumstances. You do not control life: you live life.

The child who is physically abused by her parents could not control what happened to her. The woman whose husband just died could not will him to remain in the land of the living. The man who was just told his company was downsizing and that he was no longer employed cannot change the tides of the market place or how his company will respond to these currents.

We cannot always choose how life unfolds before us. We can, however, choose how we will respond. We can choose to allow our so-called “negative circumstances” to cripple and emotionally enslave us, or we can choose to bow before them as our teachers. Once we do this—once we begin choosing to grow and mature through these “negative circumstances” —they are no longer experienced as “negative,” but, rather, as favorable … or at least useful.

Think about it: The beggar can sit in the mud feeling sorry for himself, screaming at the poverty and mud, or he can say, “Hey, whining will not put food on the table. I best clean myself up and go learn or create something of value that I can sell in the market place.”

I can marry my circumstances, or I can use them as a classroom. I can submit to my unfavorable circumstances as Fate, or as a door to more favorable circumstances. It’s my choice.

By the way, all too often, we see the beggar in the mud and, with deep compassion but little wisdom, rush in to save him. While I am all about helping the destitute, we need to do so in ways that do not leave such people in the mud of ignorance and helplessness.

One of the things that create even more unfavorable circumstances for the suffering is this desire to save them. It does this because such a motivation is actually all about those doing the “saving,” not upon those being “saved.” We may be Teachers, but we must never see ourselves as Saviors. Or so I believe.

If I run to help the destitute—or anyone who is suffering under unfavorable circumstances—because it makes me feel all savior-like, I will be blind to those actions and attitudes that do not truly equip the suffering for getting through their circumstances. Nope. If it’s all about me feeling noble and needed, I won’t be paying much attention to what truly is helpful in the long term. In fact, if it’s all-about-me, I want the suffering to keep suffering so that they need me.

Of course, we see the world’s Governments doing this all the time. They want to be Saviors, which requires those people Being Saved to stay needy and dependent.

Are we truly helping people, if they learn nothing from their present distress? Are we helping people, if we rescue them from much needed life-lessons?

We can say all we want that we are committed to helping the poor and suffering, but if what we are doing keeps them chained to their unfavorable circumstances (keeps them in the mud), I think it is something else that is motivating us: something other than wanting to help.

Unfavorable circumstances are opportunities, or at least can be, for being strengthened where we are weak, and for being educated where we are ignorant. Don’t avoid these opportunities; take advantage of them.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2010