Homer Speaketh

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

Dear Lord, The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal

The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!

Rev. Lovejoy: So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

Rev. Lovejoy: I cast thee out!