Focused Awareness: To See or Not to See ... THAT is the Question

I use to know this guy who’s calibration skills were often off the charts: his ability to read people’s nonverbal communication was usually so spot on it was spooky. On the other hand, this skill juxtaposed with the fact that he so often was clueless as to his impact on others—how his words, attitudes, demeanor, and behavior affected those in his world—often left me scratching my head as to how such a glaring incongruity could exist in a person who is so utterly aware of what is going on his outer world.

The fact is, however, this incongruity is not all that uncommon. Some of us are incredibly self-aware while being oblivious to what is going on outside our own skin, while others are acutely aware of their outer world but clueless as to their inner worlds. Of course, tragically, there are also those who are utterly unaware of self or others!

I believe that one of the keys to successfully navigating through life toward our desired outcomes lies right here: the ability to maintain an appropriate degree of awareness of both self and others.

Self-awareness
As I understand it, self-awareness is the focused attention upon our beliefs, values, attitudes, goals, emotional responses, and behaviors, along with a consistent reflection and analysis regarding their truthfulness and usefulness.

People who choose to ignore their inner processes are what my father called, “A train wreck looking for a place to happen.” It is not a matter of “If” the wreck is going to occur: only a matter of when and where it will occur.

External –awareness
This is the ability to calibrate what is going on around us: how others are responding to us (the immediate impact upon others regarding our way of being), and how effectively we are moving toward our intended goals—noting what the world around us is communicating to us about how successfully (or not) we are moving toward our intended outcomes.

Focusing our awareness upon both our inner and outer world, we then ascertain how our present life is lining up with all these critical components of who we are, who we wish to become, and how we wish to move through our worlds.

Choose to ignore your values (your inner world), and you will fail to see opportunities for attaining or maintaining those values in your outer world.

Choose to ignore your wants/desires/goals, and you will fail to see opportunities for fulfilling them.

Choose to evade or deny how people are reacting or responding to you (your outer world), is a choice to no longer deal with reality which, in turn, will keep you from moving toward and attaining your goals and realizing your dreams.

Choosing to be blind to either world is the denial of personal responsibility and, therefore, the choice of playing the victim to either your inner or outer worlds. The Blind pretend to be victims of their emotions (seeing them as mysteries they can neither manage nor be responsible for) or victims of circumstances over which they have no control, or both.

While I may discover that I am wrong here, I believe that choosing to ignore either our inner or outer worlds will ultimately lead to an evasion of reality in both worlds, as a constant denial of reality anywhere ultimately leads to an ever increasing denial in every area of life. If you start out, say, with a value of helping others to be successful in life, and evade the outer world which is screaming with evidence that people are not getting this about you, you will either face this reality and change your way of being, or you will move the Real Value to that neurological filing cabinet where you keep all your Pseudo-values. Just an idea here, but it seems to me that this is self-defeating.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2009