Skewed Feedback

Few things are as painful than having someone we love falsely judge us, or projecting inaccurate beliefs, attitudes and behaviors onto us.

Why does it hurt us? It hurts because it leaves us feeling invisible to someone we value so highly.

“I thought he knew me better than this.”
“She has known me so well for such a long time, how could she think this?”

Some of us will then go all squirrelly, worrying over

How This?
Why That?
Maybe If?

To begin with, only God has comprehensive knowledge of who you are, what you are, of what you have done, and what you are capable of doing, so you may want to cut people a little bit of slack when they miss the mark. By the way, this is why I think we should pretty much stay away from ever saying, “You are x.” “She is a so-and-and-so.” “He is a such-and-such.” I mean it’s not like we are All-Knowing and All-Seeing, eh? I think it would help maintain the bonds of love and respect if we would preface our assessments with, “It appears to me …” or something that reminds us that we do not see and know as God and so cannot make God-like judgments. Anyway--

Sometimes people do not see us clearly because of the speck that is in their own eye … and it’s not like we haven’t experienced our own looking through speck-filled eyes!

Sometimes feedback is a commentary on the person giving it. Maybe they need to believe this about you so as to justify their chosen behaviors, attitudes or decisions?

Maybe they want to believe this because it justifies their general beliefs regarding human nature or men or women or bosses or ministers or blacks or whites or husbands or wives, or whomever and whatever.

However, if this painful feedback has been given to us repeatedly by other people? Well then, I suggest that we take another look at ourselves and consider: it just might be accurate!

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008