The Nature of Love: Loving Others as You Love Yourself

The biblical injunction to love others as we love ourselves has always intrigued me. If for no other reason than that it smacks down the pietistic foolishness that true spirituality has within it a great degree of self-hatred. Come to think of it, this probably explains why so many of these people hate everyone who is different from them, who disagrees with them, and who refuses to submit to their anti-godly standards of (so-called) holiness. “Thou shalt hate others as you hate yourself.”

It is one thing to believe that, “Hey, we all have clay feet, all have weaknesses, all have fears and foibles,” and then act with compassion and empathy toward others (Galatians 6). It is something else entirely to believe that we are all scum—“But of course your scum is worse than mine.” Understanding that we all wrestle with difficulties and then offering the mercy to others that we receive so generously from God, is a different mindset from one that says, “We are both despicable worms,” and then go about judging and treating others with the same harshness with which we treat ourselves.

On the other hand, there is no implicit permission here to become a narcissist. The idea is not to worship self but, rather, to consider how I am to love others. For example, just as I ethically and wisely see to it that my basic needs are met, so too will I consider the basic needs of those around me. Moreover, just as I seek God’s best for my life, so too will I then seek God’s best for others.

I think the key to staying away from narcissism is seeing that I am loved by God and have been graced by him to share that same love with others. With this understanding I then “love myself” because he first loved me and is now granting me the high calling of introducing that same love to the world around me. I am not the center of the Universe: The God Who is Love is the center.

On Loving Your Self:

It is difficult to act lovingly toward others, if I am a psychological or physical basket case.

It is almost impossible to love others, if I am under such a burden of debt that all I can do is spend every waking moment focused upon servicing that debt.

If I am not seeing to it that I am constantly aware of and grateful for God’s love for and within me, then I will not be all that aware of how I can demonstrate that love to others.

In loving myself, I take care of my needs—spiritually, psychologically, and physically. If I do not do this, if I do not care for my “self,” then I am going to be fairly bankrupt when it comes to the need for demonstrating God’s love to others.

Think of it like this:

First, there is God’s love for me.
Next, there is God’s love working within me.
Finally, there is God’s love flowing through me to others.
(Obviously there is no first-second-third, as each works along side and with the other, but it helps me make a point so don’t get distracted!)

Once I truly believe that God loves me, I will also see that he has poured out this love within me. As this becomes my reality, I begin conforming my life in its entirety to his desires for my life. Subsequently, as his love is re-creating and re-newing me, it is inevitable that this same love will begin flowing out toward others. And if it isn’t? Then I have as yet to fully grasp his love for me, and the demands that it places on my life.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2007