Learning to Lose Everything

Rabbi Wolf happened to walk into a bar one day; some people were drinking, others were playing cards, and the whole atmosphere seemed to be a bit heavy.

The rabbi left without saying a word; a young man followed him out.

“I know you didn’t like what you saw,” said the young man. “Only sinners live in there.”

“I liked what I saw,” said Wolf. “Those are men learning to lose everything. When they have nothing material left in this world, all that will remain for them to turn to is God. And from then on, what excellent servants they will be!”

The Mansions of the Lord -- Music From, We Were Soldiers

To fallen soldiers let us sing,
Where no rockets fly nor bullets wing,
Our broken brothers let us bring
To the Mansions of the Lord

No more weeping,
No more fight,
No friends bleeding through the night,
Just Divine embrace,
Eternal light,
In the Mansions of the Lord

Where no mothers cry
And no children weep,
We shall stand and guard
Though the angels sleep,
Oh, through the ages let us keep
The Mansions of the Lord

Maria Sue Chapman, R.I.P. (2003-2008)

Being that I am still on Ethiopia time zone (7 hrs ahead of EST) I was up all night. Part of the time, I was surfing the net, catching up on the news I had missed the last couple of weeks. It was then that I ran across this tragic story of Maria Sue Chapman, 5 yr old daughter of Christian singer/songwriter Steve Curtis Chapman, who died this past Wednesday when her teenage brother accidentally backed over her, while pulling out of the family driveway.

The Chapman's had adopted three girls from China, after their eldest natural born daughter, Emily, encouraged them to do so. The Chapman's became so involved in helping others to adopt children that they began a foundation named after their first adopted daughter, Shoahanna. When the accident occurred, the family was celebrating Emily's engagement, and only a few hours away from a High School Graduation party for their son, Caleb.

I ran across this interview with Steve Curtis about a song of his, Cinderella. Knowing the song and interview were completed before this tragedy, made it all the more poigniant, as well as prophetic.

“Cinderella” was the first song I wrote on this journey. I went to give my youngest girls a bath one night, and it was right around the time of big meetings with the record label where I have to play them what I had written up to that point. I was really stressed and needed to get back to writing, but also needed to spend time with the girls, so I was frustrated and irritated. I told them to take the bath quickly, but of course they wanted to play and I didn’t have much time. I finally got them into bed and told them to pray … fast: “Just pray for the immediate family and no orphans tonight!” (laughing)

So finally they got to bed, and once I was alone [in my writing room], it’s like God had just two words for me: “Emily Chapman,” my 21-year-old daughter who’s getting ready to graduate college. And my heart turned straight to guilt because I didn’t want to rush through these moments any more. I sat down that night and it was the easiest song I’ve ever written. The next morning, I brought it to the record company meeting, even though I didn’t think it was quite done. But after I played it and looked up, everyone was crying and sobbing. I guess it connected! I recorded the song just as I played it that day.






She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I’m sittin’ here wearin’ the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It’s been a long day and there’s still work to do,
She’s pulling at me saying “Dad I need you!
There’s a ball at the castle and I’ve been invited and I need to practice my dancin’
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone

She says he’s a nice guy and I’d be impressed
She wants to know if I’d approve of a dress
She says “Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin’”
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
‘Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin’ and tellin’ us all they had planned
She says “Dad, the wedding’s due six months away
And I need to practice my dancin’
“Oh please, daddy please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
even one song
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone

Priorities. What matters most in eternity, before eternity? You can't listen to this video without being challenged down to the core of your existence, can you?

Miracle of the Moment

Another song by Steve Curtis Chapman. I can't help but pray his own music ministers to him and his family during what must be dark, dark days.





It’s time for letting go
All of our “if onlys”
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There’s only One who knows
What’s really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Ethiopia, 2008

Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten;
Nor the hope of the poor be taken away

This child is only six months old,
and weighs less than 3 lbs.
We were able to rush him to a nearby
clinic for emergency care.

People beginning to line up for food

We were able to distribute 135,000 meals

We read about the rising price of food and wonder if, starting this week, we might have to forgo buying any bottle of wine that cost more than ten dollars.

We hear a news broadcaster forecast that gas for our cars could rise to over five dollars a gallon by the end of the year and make a mental note to check on public transportation or decide to skip the cross-country holiday we were planning.

We hear that in 2005 Congress passed the Energy Policy Act, mandating the use of 4 billion gallons of ethanol in 2006, increasing every year until, in 2012, annual consumption will be 7.5 billion gallons, and think to ourselves, “Great. We need to do something about our oil dependency …hmmm…and maybe I should look into purchasing a Prius.”

Here in Ethiopia, as well as in most every Developing Nation around the world, people respond a bit more dramatically to the rising cost of oil and food, as the more than 30 riots and demonstrations around the world will attest.

Think about it: if you are making $2 a day and the cost of corn triples, or you live in Asia where the cost of rice is up 147%, you will have to take children out of school and forgo meat and vegetables. If you are making $1 a day, you must restrict your diet to maize (corn) and cereals. And if, as here in the countryside of Ethiopia, you are only making about 50 cents a day and the costs of food skyrockets? It means total devastation.

Because of Congress’ (along with their compatriots in Western Europe) idiotic subsidies and mandates regarding turning food into fuel, NGOs and International Aid and Relief Agencies had to cut their food purchases by as much as 50%. One example: World Vision was feeding 2 million children in Ethiopia. This year, because of soaring prices (read: US Energy Policy Act of 2005, plus cost of oil, etc.) it will only be able to feed 700,000 children.

While many of our nation’s leaders appear to be shocked at the present circumstances, they should not be. When you redirect over 25% of US grain into producing fuel, and when you, through subsidies and mandates, inflate its value as fuel higher than its value as food, why be so shocked that people have less to eat?

While some people in the US might be feeling all righteous about their Prius that runs on ethanol … the people here in Ethiopia have a different take on it all.


Because of your prayers and support

We delivered 27 tons of maize, which worked out to be parcels for 1800 children, each child receiving 75 meals, for a total of 135,000 meals.

However

This is a third of what we could do for the same cost only one year ago.

Please pray that our leaders begin rethinking their decisions regarding ethanol and not only start doing things that will actually help us decrease our dependency on foreign oil (you know, things like nuclear power and drilling for oil here in the US), face the horrid consequences around the world of its failed Energy Policy Act of 2005, and overturn it.

Mental Health

Monte: You evidently have studied psychology. What is your psychological-model: Psychoanalytic? Behaviorism? Freudianism (LOL)? Cognitive psychology? Biological? Existential? Sociocultural? Postmodern? What?


Actually, there is no such thing as a postmodern psychological model, as these people think all such models were created by The Man as a power trip. Plus, when all truth is personal truth it is somewhat difficult to make value judgments regarding certain behaviors and such, isn’t it? Anyway—

Yes, I have studied psychology, both formally and informally. I think most of whatever it is I do understand about the human psyche has come through my own private informal studies. (Frankly, I think some of the more useful books for studying human nature are novels: books like Twain’s Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and Victor Hugo’s Ninety-Three come to mind.) I am familiar with the basic tenets of most of the major schools (models) but in no way could I say that I am either an expert on any of these models or a proponent.

I think we always need to remember that models are just that—Models: they are human constructs, and as such must be studied and held (or not) with great tentativeness and humility. (Remember: The Map is Not The Territory.) Sometimes an aspect of one model can be useful with one person, and of no use whatsoever for the next.

Humans are unique individuals and must never be treated as if they were made up of software programs that only need to be reprogrammed with the correct formula. Formulas do not work with people. Sadly—at least for their clients—many psychologists and therapist utilize only one model. You know what they say: to someone with a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Caveat. As a follower of Christ, everything I think I know or am learning is always scrutinized by a Christian understanding of human nature: God created us, we chose/choose to go our own way, we need His grace and redemption, there are fixed moral standards, etc. That being said …

In no particular order, here is my general mindset when counseling or coaching:

1. Begin with present experience and reality, not the past, and with encouraging the individual to take responsibility for his life. (I have been greatly influenced by William Glasser’s, Reality Therapy. Greatly influenced.) While this is sometimes a painful exercise it is quite liberating, as, once I do this, I am now free to begin creating the life I want, rather than being a victim of my past.

The past does not equal the future … or doesn’t need to, anyway. You’d think Christians would really “get this,” but so often they do not. Rather than embracing the reality of being a new creation and all that this means, many hold on to their pasts (I am x and will always be x), as if their personalities and behaviors were set in concrete.

2. Focus on wholeness and the creative development of the personality and character (not on pathology) and on the responsible resolution of the conflict. In other words: Who Do You Want to Become? What is to Be Your Way of Being in the World…From Henceforth? What Needs to Take Place Today … Tomorrow?

3. Face the impending reality of your death. You are not Duncan MacLeod “immortal, born in the Highlands of Scotland four hundred years ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good, some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of Darkness, with Holy Ground his only refuge. He cannot die, unless you take his head and with it, his power. In the end there can be only one.”

The reality of death requires choices, acts of will. I cannot do all things, be all things, etc., and I do not have all-the-time-in-the-world. Therefore, I must make choices: choices for which I alone am responsible, choices which kill off the possibility of other choices.

4. Jesus died for people, not principles. Man was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath for man. Truth, principle, models, and the like, are there to serve us in our quest, not to beat each other up with. The ministry of condemnation went out with Moses. Or was supposed to.

5. The Problem of Guilt: People most always know they are screw-ups, already feel condemned. As I see it, the counselors mission, then, is to point them toward God’s grace and love, and the freedom that comes with this awareness.

6. Help the individual discover all the choices available to them … and then let them make their choice. I do not see myself as The Answer Man (no, I do not!), which is a dangerous mindset, as far as I am concerned. I never allow myself to think, “I understand.” I have some understand-ing, yet do not see and know as only God sees and knows. I am a guide not a prophet.

7. Community. People need people (cue Barbara Streisand, "People ... people who need people..."): we need the love, support, encouragement and wisdom of others. (Reference my blog, Legendary Leaders: The Round Table.) God didn’t create us to be Lone Rangers.

While I do believe there are situations where we need experts to help us walk through a particular crisis, these are isolated events, whereas our need for community is a constant. HOWEVER, while I encourage people to find community, especially in regards to their present crisis, I point them toward finding people who have Been There Done That. What I mean here is that we will want people who have gone through similar trials and come out the other end free and clear. If I am struggling with my teenagers, I am not going to place a lot of weight on what someone thinks who doesn’t even have any children. Stay away from support groups where everyone sits around and swaps ignorance. Yes, there is a certain degree of support that can still be found here, but if there are no Wise Ones in the group, I believe you should look elsewhere. What you want are people with experience and wisdom, not theories and best guesses. Okay. Maybe you won’t want that: I should speak only for myself here. This is what I want.

There is more, but this is a blog not a thesis, and I need to get ready for Africa. (But is Africa ready for me?) I am headed to Ethiopia and will be out where there are no cell towers, no Wi Fi, and no air conditioning.

I will be “out of the office” until the 26th of May.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008

The Empire Strikes Barak

Making Choices: The Wisdom of Doc and Nathan

Let's go to the movies ...

Doc Holliday: What did you want?

Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.

Doc Holliday: There's no normal life, Wyatt. There's just life.

Tombstone
Kurt Russell, as Wyatt Earp, Val Kilmer, as Doc Holliday

Just life. Just. So.

Each day we are confronted with a choice: life or death? Are we born anew each morning, or do we choose the waking death of sleepwalking? Do we daily choose to create a life--an authentic self--or do we allow ourselves to be drug along by society’s conventions and norms into a “normal life,” which is to say, an “average life”? (The Norm refers to a standard: Average is the mean, the ordinary.)

Life or death?

A True Self or an average self?

Accountable or Victim?

Of all the condemnations that may be justly placed at Freud’s feet, for me the most troubling is his deterministic view of human nature: his denial of free-will, of the human capacity for making free-choices (which he would, in general, refer to as wishful thinking). This, of course, is a logical conclusion of one who denies moral accountability.

As Christians so often sneer at the mere mentioning of Freud’s name, it is interesting that so many of these same people live their lives according to his psychological model. Life comes, as it will: “There is nothing I can do about it.” Life is as my culture/ environment shaped me.” In other words, “life” makes choices for me via circumstances. “I am as I am because my dad yelled at me, my mother was never there, my culture shaped me, he did this to me, she refused to do that for me, they wouldn’t accept any other behavior: in other words, I Am a Victim. Psychological and Biological DNA Rules.” Of course, some Christians place a religious veneer on such determinism and call it God’s Sovereignty, thus refusing accountability for the person that is being created. “I couldn’t help it: he/she/they/it made me this way.”

This is not to suggest that God is not in charge of history: mine, yours, ours. However, as I understand God’s ways with us humans, His will is worked out through our very real free choices. Most of us have heard people ask, “Why pray if God is sovereign?” Simple. Because God has chosen to bring His will about via our prayers. So, as we make choices as to the person we will become, as we go about artistically creating our unique selves, we become the person we are destined to become.

My point here is not to unravel a mystery that cannot be unraveled—that is why it is called a Mystery—but to remind us that we have choices to make: choices that we are accountable for. And the specific choice I am referring to is this: who do you wish to become? What is to be Your Way of Being as you go through life?


The Last Samurai
Tom Cruise as Captain Nathan Algren, and Ken Watanabe as Katsumoto

Nathan Algren: I studied war at a place called West Point. They taught us about a battle called Thermopylae. Three hundred brave warriors held off the king of Persia's army of a million men. For two days they made them pay so dearly that the king lost all appetite for further invasion ... I have some thoughts about the battle tomorrow.

Katsumoto: Do you really think we can defeat them?

Nathan Algren: I sure as hell want to find out.

Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?

Nathan Algren: No ... But I think a man cannot know his destiny. He can only do what he can, until his destiny is revealed.


Do what you can.

What can you do?

You can make choices. You can choose to go about creating a life, an authentic self, or you can choose to allow people, circumstances and your environment to make the choices for you. As Isabel Allende noted: “You are the storyteller of your own life, and you can create your own legend or not.”

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2008